8:44 PM
From the ever popular DETECTIVE FICTION WEEKLY magazine, supplier of many a fine pulp cover, comes this week's contribution. Originally published 21 Sep, 1929.
Éric Grenier - "Edgar hated his job so very much."
"So I asked myself, 'How could this day get any worse?' And then it hit me. A goose in the face."
"Sure, he was my brother-in-law. But he didn't have to be such a dick."
"Hurry, McDonald's is only serving breakfast for three more minutes!" *** FIRST PLACE ***
"If only I had listen to my father's advice. From that day forward, I vowed to never trust a man in a tuxedo with a gun."
"He injected the truth serum and I knew I'd be sunk. He'd find out that I did know a quicker route after all."
"Sir, I just came from _____'s home. I implore you to drive more slowly, as my bum cannot take any more punishment."
Jason Schmidt - "Virginia's new traffic fine laws became more Draconian by the day."
Mike Reed - "Steadman hated moonlighting, but the police force just didn't pay enough..."
Dirk Heinz - "Robin thinks "riding along with Batman was bad enough, driving for the damn Penguin is hell."
Randall Favero - "Lester's plan to hijack the taxi and force the driver to take him to Cuba was destined to go horribly wrong."
T. Johnston - DAMN, the last time a fare put a gun to my neck, it was Tom Cruise!!! (sigh) *** SECOND PLACE ***
Peter Card - "When Squiffy called "Shotgun" he didn't mess around"
Otto Schmidt - "The New York Taxi and Limousine Commission inaugurates its new "get tough with rogue Cabbies" program."
"Mohatmabrimnarajistanjapunda gasped out as he pleaded with the crazed passenger "But Sirs you are not being particularly specifying which of the many and varied and multitudinous cars that are upon the street and whizzing to and fro that you are wishing me to be of following!!!!!"
"And none of this crap of going from the Battery by way of the Throgs Neck Bridge to get to Bronx!" *** THIRD PLACE ***
"Zebulon had figured out a way to avoid the carping from cabbies by his "no-tipping" policy."
"Taggerts Driving Acadamy found out shortly thereafter that its negative reinforcement learning motivational plan did not work."
"Listen, if my back-seat passengering is bothering you, you can do it for a while if you think you can do better!"
"OK, I've had it! I told you kids that if you didn't stop I was turning this car right around and going home! And now I'm going to make the driver do just that!"
Gary Christiansen - I know everyone else thinks the Butler did it, but they were wrong! The chauffeur did it and he's not going to live to see trial!
David Fox - "I knew that I should never have offered Senator Cuccinelli a ride," Mister Nizz thought to himself, as he silently lifted aside the phony top of the shifter and prepared to hit the Passenger Ejection Seat button...
Karen Spurny - "If you tell me that the secret password is "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onions, pickles on a sesame seed bun" one more time, I'll shoot, so help me."
Next Week's Caption:
Éric Grenier - "Edgar hated his job so very much."
"So I asked myself, 'How could this day get any worse?' And then it hit me. A goose in the face."
"Sure, he was my brother-in-law. But he didn't have to be such a dick."
"Hurry, McDonald's is only serving breakfast for three more minutes!" *** FIRST PLACE ***
"If only I had listen to my father's advice. From that day forward, I vowed to never trust a man in a tuxedo with a gun."
"He injected the truth serum and I knew I'd be sunk. He'd find out that I did know a quicker route after all."
"Sir, I just came from _____'s home. I implore you to drive more slowly, as my bum cannot take any more punishment."
Jason Schmidt - "Virginia's new traffic fine laws became more Draconian by the day."
Mike Reed - "Steadman hated moonlighting, but the police force just didn't pay enough..."
Dirk Heinz - "Robin thinks "riding along with Batman was bad enough, driving for the damn Penguin is hell."
Randall Favero - "Lester's plan to hijack the taxi and force the driver to take him to Cuba was destined to go horribly wrong."
T. Johnston - DAMN, the last time a fare put a gun to my neck, it was Tom Cruise!!! (sigh) *** SECOND PLACE ***
Peter Card - "When Squiffy called "Shotgun" he didn't mess around"
Otto Schmidt - "The New York Taxi and Limousine Commission inaugurates its new "get tough with rogue Cabbies" program."
"Mohatmabrimnarajistanjapunda gasped out as he pleaded with the crazed passenger "But Sirs you are not being particularly specifying which of the many and varied and multitudinous cars that are upon the street and whizzing to and fro that you are wishing me to be of following!!!!!"
"And none of this crap of going from the Battery by way of the Throgs Neck Bridge to get to Bronx!" *** THIRD PLACE ***
"Zebulon had figured out a way to avoid the carping from cabbies by his "no-tipping" policy."
"Taggerts Driving Acadamy found out shortly thereafter that its negative reinforcement learning motivational plan did not work."
"Listen, if my back-seat passengering is bothering you, you can do it for a while if you think you can do better!"
"OK, I've had it! I told you kids that if you didn't stop I was turning this car right around and going home! And now I'm going to make the driver do just that!"
Gary Christiansen - I know everyone else thinks the Butler did it, but they were wrong! The chauffeur did it and he's not going to live to see trial!
David Fox - "I knew that I should never have offered Senator Cuccinelli a ride," Mister Nizz thought to himself, as he silently lifted aside the phony top of the shifter and prepared to hit the Passenger Ejection Seat button...
Karen Spurny - "If you tell me that the secret password is "two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, onions, pickles on a sesame seed bun" one more time, I'll shoot, so help me."
Next Week's Caption:
