PULP CAPTIONS, ROUND 9

Round 9's Pulp Caption Contest hails from the cover of ARGOSY MAGAZINE, Published 22 June, 1940!



James Spurny - "What manner of man is Giacomo? Ha ha! I shall tell you what manner of man is he. He lives for a sigh, he dies for a kiss, he lusts for the laugh, ha! He never walks when he can leap! He never flees when he can fight (thud) oop! He swoons at the beauty of a rose. And I offer myself to you, all of me. My heart. My lips. My legs. My calves. Do what you will - my love endures. Beat me. Kick me. (kiss, kiss) I am yours." **** FIRST PLACE ****


Eric Miller - "Do these tights make me look gay?"


John Slotwinski - "Mark Pitcavage fights valiantly to keep the censorship folder on-topic."


Matt Foster - "He must be the King. He's wearing lipstick."


Barry Johnston - "No you can't have my Errol Flynn autographed yellow shirt!"


Jason Schmidt - "Write all the exciting backstory you want, include every dynamic painting and illustration you can scrape up, supply the best Skills and Feats in the whole book -- there's still no way on Earth anybody is going to play a Bard character, Mr Gygax." **** THIRD PLACE ****


David Fox - "So it was that this, this humble piece of magazine cover artwork, was chosen by Michael Jackson as his 'After' model. And what misery and suffering it would cause..."


Klaus Knechtskern - "The brouhaha at the doublesupersale at Origins 2007 was bigger than ever. Publisher´s had to fend of buyers 24 hours/day"


Peter Card - "I miss the chickenwire cage Elwood"


Gary Christiansen - "Errol Flynn indeed, I'm getting this roll in the hay."


Ian Wedge - "Sadly, Errol's dreams of glory were soon to be crushed by the next DoD ruling on gay recruits."


Karen Spurny - "k d lang knew she'd found a newer, freer lifestyle."


Gary Christiansen - "The Brand NEW K-Tel Saber... it Slices, it Dices, it even Pokes holes in Pirates! Yours for Only $19.95. But Not only do you get this High Value Saber, Included in your one time payment of 19.95 is the K-Tel brand Parrying Dagger. If that seems like a deal, look at this, we throw in a genuine pirate eye-patch too. Money back guarantee if Saber fails to perform during duels."


Matt Foster - "Yes, yes. He's handy with a sword allright. But if he keeps singing that song from The Muppet Movie, I'm going to kill him myself."


Joe Steadman - "Frank the extra says, "you idiot.. you grabbed the wrong prop, that is a longsword"! "Who cares Stan, it really goes well with my tights and who will notice" replies the ungrateful friend of his girlfriend's little sister. "Wow, what I will do for that woman, thought Frank."


"I see your Swartz is as long as mine"


"I am NOT a merry man" says the man below to the man above."


Otto Schmidt - "Unlike his co-workers, Kyle loved stockholders meetings."


"Horatio at the Bridge! -- Panzeri at the membership meeting!"


"Prince Panzeri called to his faithful pooch Sancho Mattes! "You hold them off, I'll slip out the back!"


"The Kerioke got a little out of hand that night!"


"Walt O'Hara in younger, happier days- before the dark times, before HMGS."


"Knowing the art director for Airfix miniatures was at the next table, Bernie did his best to striek a pose that would gain him immortality as a perfectly useless figure in the next release." **** SECOND PLACE ****


"Fun though it was, he knew he was getting to old for this. Next day he would talk to his brothers Chico, Zeppo, and Groucho, about joining the act.


Next Week's Cover!