10:07 AM

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An Actual Toy Being sold to youngsters right now by Hasbro

Mister Nizz

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bullet rocket

The Bukkake Gun

The Super Soaker Oozinator is a real product being sold by Hasbro these days.

The product description reads like so:

Air-powered blaster lets you drench your opponents with powerful blasts of water or globs of gooey bio-ooze!

Hit targets up to 35 feet away with a 27-ounce water-supply capacity or up to 20 feet away with a 10-ounce bio-ooze capacity!

Blaster comes with 10-ounce cartridge of bio-ooze.

Sneak up on your opponents with a surprise bio-ooze attack!

Just when they think you’re coming at ‘em with water, blast ‘em with a shot of icky bio-ooze!

Shoot out globs of gooey bio-ooze and then drench ‘em with water!

It’s a double blast attack that’ll keep your opponents on their toes and running during every water fight. With the OOZINATOR blaster you don’t just get soaked, you get drenched!

If you can get the video to work... it's just plain disturbing. The ought to call this thing the Bukkakinator. There's a sporadic video button on the Hasbro site, worth checking out.

I swear, Peewee Harman ended up in jail for similar activities, and we're allowing pre-teens to do this...

UPDATE: I really, really wanted to add a link to their onsite video, but apparently Hasbro is getting wind of the general hilarity their ad campaign has caused. The video on site no longer seems to work. FORTUNATELY!! YouTube comes to the rescue! Prepare to be amazed!!!

It really doesn't take much to put snippets of the above video into a hideously inappropriate subtext. Observe parts of the above video spliced in with the "Oh Face" scene from the popular film Office Space:

(If you're seeing "Remote Linking Forbidden" it's because the freebie host has bandwidth limits. Here's a local link to a page that has the image)

Looks a little more sinister NOW, doesn't it?