11:22 AM

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Short Paragraph Movie Review

Mister Nizz


This movie...


Sucked so HARD I got pulled from my seat!

Three hours of pretentious, meandering, self important dialogue that serves as a framework for the latest Brukenheimermania "Money Shot" effects orgasm.

I actually fell asleep. Many times, even with kids prodding me. Overlong, boring, overhyped, badly shot, confusing plot, amateurish storyline. And Keira Knightly is neither much to look at or even remotely anything other than wooden in this thing. I suppose I should give her points for being a pirate's dream (possessing a sunken chest), but why go there, I ask you? (Ah thenk yew!) The thespian accomplishments of one O. Bloom aren't going to make anyone other than my 12 year old daughter take notice, but the other star of this romp, Depp, is getting that "I'm phoning it in to pay for my French Chateau" look these days. The only highlight was seeing Keith Richards (I think) briefly, as Depp's character's father.

What's not to like? Well, er, all of it. I wept for the lost hours, and there were many. I winced that they were clearly setting up another movie at the end. Egad.