Another Point of Singularity

So da wife says, "let's go get some stuff from Safeway.." last night, and that's a command request, so I come along. On the way through the front door I pull my favorite trick and snake a GAMES magazine to read while I'm pushing the cart. the Lady Hotspur sets a brisk pace, and I follow her. I am one of the blessed few that can read and walk at the same time (it has something to do with my third eye), so I'm reading as I'm pushing the cart. Bad idea. I whip round the corner into soft drinks and bury the nose of the cart into the RAID display. It's about 8 feet tall, and I've just destroyed the foundation. Slowly, ponderously, it heels over and cans of Ant and Roach spray go flying down the aisle to T.L.H's mortification. "RUN!!" She hisses through clenched teeth. That's my girl, none of this staying around to take responsibility nonsense.

Later, I'm in the produce section, feeling light-hearted and jocular after my narrow escape. I start juggling oranges. Of course, I quickly hear: "Put those down, you moron! You need constant adult supervision, I swear!!" This throws off my split-second timing, and one orange goes flying. Smack into the head of the middle aged woman to my right. I apologize profusely and help her find her contact lens.

My mortified wife gets even with me by grabbing some Romaine lettuce still cold and wet from the mister and shaking the water off on me. Ho ho ho, very funny... I decide to get even with her, and ;whip some scallions at her, also wet with water. Unfortunately, I'm holding it by the wrong end, and a cloud of green scallions goes downrange from me.

After a quick check at the direction of the security cameras, drey drags me off to pay...