10:27 AM

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The brawniest, rip-snortin'est webcomic on the Internet

Mister Nizz

Someone just posted a link to Tom Floyd's web published comic CAPTAIN SPECTRE AND THE LIGHTNING LEGION on TMP this morning. CS is a wonderful pulp comic, splendidly drawn with lots of coy pulpish reference for the truly enlighted to figure out. Check it out!

6:46 AM

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Friedrich and Heroscape on YouTube

Mister Nizz

The redoubtable Scott describes the game I picked for Historical game of the year for GAMES magazine, FRIEDRICH by Histogames. A great episode!



I also liked this one on HEROSCAPE, but was taken aback by Scott's snide contempt for miniatures players. Dolls? I don't think so.

6:24 AM

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New Gaming Podcasts

Mister Nizz

There's some new podcasts in town, and both of them are very good. First of all is Point 2 Point. Jason and Scott discuss WARGAMES (hurrah, finally!) and military strategy games in their new 'cast. Episode one sets the boundries of what the podcast will be about by actually defining what wargames are and what they are not, delving into the components of a true wargame, and differentiating between gamer types. They are also located in Northern Virginia. I'd like to get them up to COLD WARS to do a live broadcast if possible.

Episode 1.

The second one is just great... Boardgames with Scott uses the YOUTUBE site that I occassionally post clips to (see below) to do a VIDEO podcast. It's really quite a simple concept, actually. The beauty of the YouTube concept is that you can embed episodes almost anywhere, like so:

10:33 AM

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Singularity 1 is finished

Mister Nizz

Diplomacy, Finis




And Ron Wuerth killed it.

After the messed up situation caused by the disappearance of Austria (twice), and the decision by the players to do what they called "a GM stab" recently, I let it be known that it would not be any skin off my nose to throw in the towel on Singularity 1. I certainly tried, but the level of enthusiasm was never really seemed to be there for any player except for Italy, France, and the second England. The rest were just going through the motions. In any event, I put it to the players, and got enough of an indication to make a decision:

Turkey (ever the gentlemen): I'm out! That is my vote for Diplo.... start over... this game is screwed up...

Italy: "Why Bother?"

DECISION MADE! Pull the plug.

With that said, I award the Dippies for SINGULARITY 1:

1. Without a doubt, our best player was Italy, who forged an early coup by forging an Austria/Italy/somewhat aloof Russian tripartite pact against Turkey. This proved to be quite devastating for Turkey, quite beneficial for Austria (the first Austria) although it made Italy very vulnerable. So to Mike Reed I bestow the Von Metternich Award for Diplomatic Excellence.



2. Our most adaptable, and second best overall player was the second England, Mr. James Spurny. He took on an existing position (that was still quite strong) and expanded England's holdings whilst fending off a concerted German/Russian alliance thw as geared up to depose him, diverting their energies towards France. To James Spurny, I bestow the Lord Palmerston Medal of Diplomatic Shiftiness. Well done, sirrah!



3. Russia seemed to have the easiest path to victory, enjoying a nice buffer zone and easy relations with his biggest threat, Germany, and only engaging in sideshows in Norway and the Balkans (always succesfully) during the course of the game. So for Mr. Rob Winslow, I award The Lord Kitchener Award for Succeeding in Spite of Cryptic or Non-Existant Diplomatic Chatter Award:



4. and 5. Germany and France good matches for each other. Germany avoided the classic cock-up in the Low Countries early in the game and bounced between England and France as to the "enemy of the moment". France's relative inexperience was overcome by a reasonably energetic land grab in Iberia and Tunis, which left his neck stretched out for later Germanic perfidy as they drove on Paris. Germany's badly timed NMR mid-game gave both England and France the breathing room they needed to thrive and hatch plots together, or Germany would have scored higher. So to both Chris Wimbrow and Ron Wuerth, I grant The Georges Clemenceau Order of Decency for Diplomatic Achievement with special cluster for Energetic Hand-Wringing.



As for the rest, I will be sensitive and not name names, but I award the BLANK WALL award, for outstanding diplomatic communicative mediocrity!



Congrats to the winners!

For what it's worth, I enjoyed running this game when the players were engaged and active with each other. Diplomacy is a great game and I hope to play and run a game sometime in the future.

Oh, in passing, to the "gentleman" who decided to go "off his meds" and institute the GM Stab*, I bestow The Golden Loogie of Sportsmanship for general meanness and game sabotage!



* This turned out to be none other than Ron Wuerth, who admitted that he thought it would be a funny joke on CONSIMWORLD. Personally, I equate game sabotage as being about as funny as Austria taking a powder in order to give himself enough time to play CIV4, but hey, people laugh at different things, I acknowledge that.

10:09 AM

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Diplomacy: F1905 results

Mister Nizz




Results for Fall, 1905 (Movement)



General Notices:



Order resolution completed on 29-Jan-2006 at 23:15:12 EST



Order Results:



Austria:


No order for unit at Adriatic Sea. Hold order assigned.
No
order for unit at Aegean Sea. Hold order assigned.

No order
for unit at Serbia. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit
at Tyrolia. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
Venice. Hold order assigned.


Austria: F adr Holds
Austria:
F aeg Holds
Austria: A ser Holds


Dislodged from alb (2 against 1).

Austria: A tyr Holds
Austria: A ven Holds




England:


England: F eng Supports F mao -> bre


Support cut by Move from North Sea.

England: F mao -> bre


Failed because France: F bre -> pic failed.

England: F nao -> mao


Failed because England: F mao -> bre failed.

England: A por -> spa


Bounced with spa (1 against 2).




France:


France: F bre -> pic


Bounced with pic (1 against 2).

France: A mar Supports F spa/sc
France: A par Supports F bre ->
pic



Support cut by Move from Burgundy.

France: F spa/sc Holds
France: F tun -> wes




Germany:


Germany: F bel Supports A pic
Germany: A bur -> par


Bounced with par (1 against 1).

Germany: F kie -> den
Germany: F nth -> eng


Bounced with eng (1 against 1).

Germany: A pic Supports A bur -> par


Support cut by Move from Brest.

Germany: A ruh -> mun




Italy:


Italy: A alb -> ser
Italy: F con Supports F bul/ec


Support cut by Move from Ankara.

Italy: F gre -> ion
Italy: F rom -> tys




Russia:


Russia: F bul/ec Supports F con
Russia: A mos -> ukr
Russia:
F nwy Supports F swe
Russia: A rum Supports A alb -> ser
Russia:
A sev -> arm
Russia: F swe Supports F nwy
Russia: A ukr -> gal
Russia:
A war -> sil




Turkey:


Turkey: A ank -> con


Bounced with con (2 against 2).

Turkey: F smy Supports A ank -> con




Our new Austrian was not heard from.

If you wish to continue playing, the deadline is Friday as always.

6:25 AM

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The Internet Scrabble Club: Recommended

Mister Nizz


I've been playing with this simple but elegant SCRABBLE INTERFACE courtesy of the "Internet Scrabble Club" a client app that works with the Java Virtual Machine. It works very well and it is developing something of an online club atmosphere, with ratings and challenges and ladders and such. I like it! By the way, I'm WaltOH on there if you want to take me on.

2:03 PM

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Circvs Maximvs turn 2

Mister Nizz


Well, Chris pulls out the whip and beats his poor horses again. He generates an additional 4MF from the Voluntary Strain to go with his base
speed of 20. He pulls to the inside to get to I/26.
Rob shakes the reigns, but holds off on the whip.
Jamie whips his horses, but apparently didn't make much contact because it only gained him +1MF. With his original speed of 20 and the +1, he could have been in the lead at this point, but Chris cut in front of him forcing him to move out 1 lane. With a move of 18/Out/2, Jamie ends on II/25.
Bob's team continues to run along as Bob attempts to gain control of the reigns. (NMR)
Walt cracks the whip and his horses respond (+5). With a base speed of 20 and the +5 from VS, Walt charges down the track. With Jamie in his way, Walt pulls into lane III and passes him; but not before ramming Jamie's team. However, with a roll of 5 (-3) for light chariot, a 2 on the Ramtable produces no damage. Walt ends his turn at III/26.
We have our first damage!
Ken whips his team and gains an additional +1 VS. He moves 1/Out/2/Ram MarkG chariot/1/Ram MarkG horses/10 to end at V/14. MarkG chose to Hold and accept the attacks. The first attack on the car resulted in a roll of 14 (3d6) = defender damaged. With a roll of 7 (2d6) +3 for HC = 10, MarkG suffered 4 points of wheel damage. Check for flip die roll was 7 = no flip. The attack on the horses was far more devastating - With a roll of 10+3, MarkG suffered 5 points damage to his horse #1, resulting in death. There is now a bloody mess of guts and horseflesh in VI/3. MarkG will need to cut this dead horse free before he is able to move again.

1:34 PM

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Catching up with DIPLOMACY

Mister Nizz

Singularity One, SPRING 1905



History: as you know, our Austrian player disappeared on us. After a great deal of effort (and a corrupted JDIP file) I posted a deadline. I was told that it would be inconvenient for one player and he wanted to email people. I moved it to Friday. This is what I got from everyone on Friday:


Results for Spring, 1905 (Movement)



General Notices:



No retreating units; retreat phase skipped.
Order resolution
completed on 28-Jan-2006 at 13:20:51 EST



Order Results:



Austria:


No order for unit at Adriatic Sea. Hold order assigned.
No
order for unit at Aegean Sea. Hold order assigned.

No order
for unit at Serbia. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit
at Tyrolia. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
Venice. Hold order assigned.


Austria: F adr Holds
Austria:
F aeg Holds
Austria: A ser Holds
Austria: A tyr Holds
Austria:
A ven Holds




England:


No order for unit at English Channel. Hold order assigned.
No
order for unit at Mid-Atlantic Ocean. Hold order assigned.

No
order for unit at North Atlantic Ocean. Hold order assigned.

No
order for unit at Portugal. Hold order assigned.


England: F
eng Holds
England: F mao Holds
England: F nao Holds
England:
A por Holds




France:


No order for unit at Brest. Hold order assigned.
No order
for unit at Marseilles. Hold order assigned.

No order for
unit at Paris. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
Spain. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at Tunis. Hold
order assigned.


France: F bre Holds
France: A mar Holds
France:
A par Holds
France: F spa/sc Holds
France: F tun Holds




Germany:


No order for unit at Belgium. Hold order assigned.
No
order for unit at Burgundy. Hold order assigned.

No order
for unit at Kiel. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
North Sea. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
Picardy. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at Ruhr.
Hold order assigned.


Germany: F bel Holds
Germany: A bur
Holds
Germany: F kie Holds
Germany: F nth Holds
Germany: A
pic Holds
Germany: A ruh Holds




Italy:


No order for unit at Albania. Hold order assigned.
No
order for unit at Constantinople. Hold order assigned.

No
order for unit at Greece. Hold order assigned.

No order for
unit at Rome. Hold order assigned.


Italy: A alb Holds
Italy:
F con Holds
Italy: F gre Holds
Italy: F rom Holds




Russia:


No order for unit at Bulgaria. Hold order assigned.
No
order for unit at Moscow. Hold order assigned.

No order for
unit at Norway. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
Rumania. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
Sevastopol. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at
Sweden. Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at Ukraine.
Hold order assigned.

No order for unit at Warsaw. Hold order
assigned.


Russia: F bul/ec Holds
Russia: A mos Holds
Russia:
F nwy Holds
Russia: A rum Holds
Russia: A sev Holds
Russia: F
swe Holds
Russia: A ukr Holds
Russia: A war Holds




Turkey:


No order for unit at Ankara. Hold order assigned.
No
order for unit at Smyrna. Hold order assigned.


Turkey: A
ank Holds
Turkey: F smy Holds




Yes, that's correct, everyone decided to group NMR this game as a "stab the GM" or "solidarity with Mike Reed" comment to the GM.



Now, WHY would they all want to go and do that for, eh?




Huh, well, really? Hmmm. No, here's a GM stab to the players then, hey, it's all in fun, right?

11:15 PM

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Selling the store to make the deal

Mister Nizz

By now we all know that Pixar has been purchased by Disney studios for the ungodly price of 7.48 Bil in Disney stock, with a 200 Mil bailout clause if Pixar decides to default on the deal. Industry phoenix STEVE JOBS is now in the position of being the primary stockholder in the Disney Corporation; a move that won't launch him into the range of one-time rival Bill Gates, but it will certainly make him a very wealthy man indeed; one of the wealthiest. One wonders at the long term wisdom of the Disney execs. To begin with, the BoD of Disney expands by one seat- Steve Jobs, who is now the largest shareholder. The agreement gives Pixar vice president John Lasseter, who will become chief creative officer of the Pixar and Disney animation studios, the authority to “green light” films for both studios, although Disney CEO Robert Iger has final approval. Pixar’s most successful seven directors and creative executives were also listed as company assets, and the agreement requires that a majority of them agree to join the combined company. Those employees include Finding Nemo director Andrew Stanton; Monsters director Pete Docter; The Incredibles director Brad Bird; director/writer Bob Peterson; story artist Brenda Chapman; editor Lee Unkrich; and sound designer Gary Rydstrom. The merger also sets up a “steering committee” whose job is to oversee feature animation at both studios, and to help maintain the Pixar “culture,” among other duties.

The mixture of Pixar's high tech hippies and Disney's more staid, conventional multimedia giganticism ought to bread an interesting amalgam in the years to come, but I suspect the end product will look more like Pixar than the Disney we all grew up with-- if Iger thinks he can get Jobs to toe the line, than he should have another think coming!

Story:


LOS ANGELES - The Walt Disney Co.'s purchase of Pixar Animation Studios Inc. allows Disney to inject new creative life into its animation efforts, while Pixar can end its public run at the top of its game.

However, it remains to be seen whether the $7.4 billion price tag is justified - not to mention the fate of Pixar's unique corporate culture once ensconced in a massive media conglomerate.

Executives from both companies said preserving Pixar as a separate entity was a top priority, even as Disney hopes some of Pixar's creative power rubs off on its own animation efforts.

"I think this is great for Disney, not only to have Pixar be part of the company, but to have Pixar influence the company," Disney Chief Executive Robert A. Iger told The Associated Press in an interview Tuesday after the deal was announced. "It's also possible we'll look at Pixar and see not only how well it's run but how well it lives and seek to overlay that influence on some of our other businesses."

Disney is buying longtime partner Pixar for $7.4 billion in stock. The deal will put Pixar CEO Steve Jobs in a powerful new role at Disney and makes the billionaire its largest individual shareholder, with a stake of about 7 percent.

Jobs, who owns more than half of Pixar's shares and heads Apple Computer Inc., will become a Disney director.

Disney has co-financed and distributed Pixar's animated films for the past 12 years, splitting the profits. That deal expires in June after Pixar delivers "Cars" and it had once appeared the companies would not renew it amid friction between Jobs and former Disney CEO Michael Eisner.

But the talks revived under Iger, who became Disney CEO last October. Disney, the theme park owner that also has the ABC and ESPN TV networks, and Pixar had talked for months about a new relationship.

Key to spreading Pixar's influence will be Pixar President Ed Catmull, who will serve as president of the new combined Pixar and Disney animation studios, and Pixar Executive Vice President John Lasseter, who becomes become chief creative officer of the animation studios and principal creative adviser at Walt Disney Imagineering, which designs and builds the company's theme parks.

Lasseter has been compared to Walt Disney by many, including Eisner. Lasseter began his career as a Disney animator and is the creative force behind Pixar's films.

"Just having someone there who has enormous influence and who has enormous respect in that position will influence how films are done at Disney from here on out," said John Canemaker, head of the film animation program at New York University's Tisch School of the Arts.

One immediate sign of Lasseter's influence is that plans for Disney to make the long rumored sequel "Toy Story 3" on its own have been scrapped. If the film is made, it will be done by Lasseter and the other creators of the original film, the companies said.

The deal may make creative sense, but the company could face a hurdle convincing investors it makes financial sense.

Under the deal, Disney said it will issue 2.3 shares for each share of Pixar stock. At Tuesday's closing price of $25.99 for Disney, Pixar shareholders would get stock worth $59.78, a 4 percent premium over Pixar's closing price of $57.57. The deal was announced after the markets closed for the day.

Disney said the deal would lower earnings over the next two years, but that Pixar will help increase earnings by 2008.

"It's something Disney had to do," said Harold Vogel, a media analyst with Vogel Capital Management in New York. "It's good for both companies."

The companies still need to reveal what Pixar's next films will be and provide more detail on how the combined entity will function, said Richard Greenfield, an analyst at Pali Research.

"The question remains whether the price/value relationship is going to bear fruit for Disney," Greenfield said Tuesday.

Pixar has served as Disney's de facto animation unit for a decade. Two Pixar movies, "Finding Nemo" and "The Incredibles," have won Academy Awards for best animated feature film, and Pixar films have been a financial windfall for Disney, which receives 60 percent of the profits.

By contrast, Disney's own animation unit has struggled, producing some modest successes, such as 2002's "Lilo & Stitch," and many flops, including "Treasure Planet" and "Home on the Range."

Pixar also benefits from the deal by cashing in at the top of its game, before it produces the inevitable box office disappointment, Vogel said.

"Eventually, we know that after six huge hits, there would be a film that would come along that would be less good than what they had," Vogel said. "This was a good time to broaden the horizon and the canvas. I think Steve Jobs is very smart about knowing when to hold them and when to fold."

With Jobs, Disney also tightens its link with Apple Computer, the innovative technology company behind music and video iPods.

And Jobs is likely to press Iger to further his plans to marry films, TV shows, video games and other content to computers, iPods, handheld game consoles and even cell phones.


Story copyright 2006 AP Newswire

11:08 PM

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And Who Said it?

Mister Nizz

"The last temptation is the greatest treason: to do the right deed for the wrong reason."

10:16 PM

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A deer versus a car

Mister Nizz

Saturn Automobile was making a new car commercial in Tennessee. The
car in the advertisement hit a deer when it went behind a clump of
trees. You can hear the tires squeal. Then the carcass of the deer can
be seen where the car should of appear.

TURN THE VOLUME ALL THE WAY UP SO YOU COULD HEAR THE NOISE.

6:47 PM

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Shameful, shameful schadenfreude

Mister Nizz

I'm a bad person



Why do I snicker so loud? It's not as if we haven't seen this story before: pretty actress has a breakout role that takes her out of the soap opera circuit, does a string of largely formulaic comedies, finds her career in a slump. She goes back to the small screen in a much touted, sadly formulaic alleged comedy vehicle that will demonstrate her talents and her charms. I guess I'm just in awe of how fast the process took with Ms. Heather Graham recently:


PASADENA, California (AP) -- One minute, Heather Graham was the face of ABC. The next minute, she was gone.

Her comedy series "Emily's Reasons Why Not" was promoted relentlessly by the network as the linchpin of its post-football Monday night schedule, but was only given one airing before being yanked earlier this month.

ABC committed to the big promotional campaign before even seeing a script for the show, said ABC entertainment president Stephen McPherson on Saturday. The series turned out to be a dog creatively, he indicated.

"Once we saw it was not launching, we felt like unfortunately it was not going to get better and we had to make a change," McPherson said.

A total of six episodes were filmed, and McPherson said no determination has been made about whether they would be burned off.

The quick hook doesn't mean producers of other ABC series with middling ratings -- "Invasion," for example -- should be shaking in fear.

"That's a great example for us of when to be patient and when to fold them," he said. "We believe in that show."


Ouch! Better luck in your next vehicle, Heather. For what it's worth, I'm not laughing AT you, I'm laughing at the factory that produces the crap you work with.

Hey, ABC! It would be a good idea if you deleted the show's WEBSITE, dudes, this doesn't look too professional.



My cunning prediction for who's next: JENNA ELFMAN on "Courting Alex".... it's doomed! Hey, I was right about NIGHT STALKER, wasn't I?

6:38 PM

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A great day skiing and tubing

Mister Nizz


We went up to White Tail today. What a pity I didn't realize there are LIVE WEBCAMS at the site, or you would have had the undoubted pleasure of seeing my spectacular landing at the base of the MAGIC CARPET ski run:



or possibly at the end of the tubing course:



I was easy to spot...

10:53 AM

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Nice Guy Eddie is dead

Mister Nizz



Wow! Bummer! He was pretty young for such a sudden demise. I know him best as Nice Guy Eddie or that obnoxious officer in the last Starsky and Hutch remake.

Actor Chris Penn dead, no sign of foul play-police

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Character actor Chris Penn, younger brother of Oscar-winner Sean Penn, was found dead on Tuesday at an apartment near the Pacific Ocean in the Los Angeles suburb of Santa Monica, police sources said.

No cause of death was immediately determined but there was no signs of foul play, the sources added.

A family spokeswoman confirmed the death and said the Penn family "would appreciate the media's respect of their privacy during this difficult time."

Penn, 43, was a character actor who appeared in dozens of films including "Reservoir Dogs," "Mullholland Falls" and the 2004 film "Starsky & Hutch."

In one of his best known roles, he played baby-faced criminal Nice Guy Eddie Cabot in director Quentin Tarantino's "Reservoir Dogs." He also starred along with his brother in the 1986 film "At Close Range."

Recently, Penn voiced Officer Eddie Pulaski in the video game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas."

10:57 AM

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Dead Man Riding

Mister Nizz



Dead man rides subway for hours

NEW YORK, Jan. 23 (UPI) -- It took more than six hours for anyone to realize that a 64-year-old Brooklyn man had died on a New York City subway train.

Eugene Reilly, who died of a heart attack, likely got onto a Brooklyn-bound Q train just before 1 a.m. Thursday. He wasn't found until 7:15 a.m. when a curious commuter touched his shoulder, trying to wake him, the New York Daily News reported.

Reilly, a mail handler, worked the 4 p.m.-to-12:30 a.m. shift and was headed home, his wife said. He was sitting up in his seat, which transit officials said was likely the reason their workers left him alone for so long, the newspaper said.

"The policy is that if someone is sitting up, employees are not allowed to touch them," said Deirdre Parker, a city transit spokeswoman.

A different transit official said employees probably saw Reilly, who was in the last car of the train, but thought he was sleeping.

"People sleep on the train all the time," an official said. "No one thought anything of it."

10:24 AM

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What's on my P500 list?

Mister Nizz

Manoeuvre: Designer Notes



Jeff Horger, designer of Manoeuvre, had this to say on CONSIMWORLD.

Today I will be delving into the genesis of the game and what the overall game offers to both beginning and experienced players. In the summer of 2000 I was not an aspiring game designer, I was a fairly hard-core hex-and-counter wargamer. Euro gaming was around and I had just picked up Medici and Medieval Merchant at Origins. Unfortunately my friends and I had a problem. At the time we already had a combined game library of over 400 titles and we wanted to actually play all the games we had plunked down our cash for. So we were constantly cycling through games. You all know what happens when you play a different wargame every session, we never mastered any of them. Wargame rules simply don't lend themselves well for casual play. Why couldn't a fun and challenging wargame have rules as simple as Rio Grande? We were constantly frustrated at missing some little key rule tucked into some obscure paragraph on page 22.

It was in this mode that I began to seriously consider what value I could place on using historical and complex games to determine our group's gaming skill. These Euros seemed to offer a balanced opportunity for all with wonderful quality and challenging rules. I was most interested in two things; 1) Rules should be clear and simple with the player's mastery of the game mechanics the key to victory, not being the person that had the rulebook over the weekend. 2) In a wargame SOMETHING needed to be done to provide a fog-of-war feeling without sacraficing playability. Today it is obvious, cards! But it seemed like a breakthrough to me (and apparently to everyone else at the time). Sure there were a handful of card-driven games like Successors, We the People and Hannibal among others, but they were not as prevalent as they are today.



The final piece clicked in while I was driving to my mother-in-law's house one August afternoon. I let my mind wander to a game a friend, Joe Roush, had presented in to our group some months before. In the 30 minutes it took to get there, Joe's basic idea was co-opted and the entire game was created on a stack of 3x5 notecards. Within a week I had a prototype and what was to become Manoeuvre began enthralling my group with its depth of tactics, uncertainity, risk assessment, and the different options provided by the different nations.

So what is Manoeuvre? At it's heart, its a chessboard grid with 8 units per side and a deck of 60 cards unique to each of 8 nations that drive combat and special actions. Setup is easy enough to remember, you can set up your 8 pieces anywhere in the back two lines of your chosen terrain. Each player gets a starting hand of 5 cards (I still say that each player should choose the 5 cards they want to start with). And off you go.

Play is made up of only a few steps. 1) Discard any cards you don't want, this is important when you end up with cards from units in your dead pile. 2) Draw your hand up to 5 cards. 3) Move 1 unit either 1 space for infantry or 1-2 spaces for cavalry. forced March cards allow a unit to move one extra space and a Supply card can allow a move with an additional unit. No one moves diagonally and there is no stacking. 4) You may initiate and resolve one combat using a card from that unit from your hand to do so. Units have to be adjacent to volley or melee. Units may bombard up to two spaces away. No units attack diagonally (or didn't the last time I saw the rules). Each unit only has 5 cards so use them well. 5) If you have a unit on its reduced side, you may restore one unit per turn by either playing a Supply Card, one of the unit's combat cards, or rolling within a leader's Rally range on a d6. The game ends when either one player has lost 5 units or the turn when both player's have exhausted their draw pile. Victory is either Attrition (Eliminate 5 opposing units) or Territorial (Each space you occupy on the opposing side of the board and all non-contested adjacent spaces on the opposing side you influence).



The next installment will highlight the French capabilities in the game.


Part Two, the French




Manoeuvre: The French


This is the second part of my attempt to shed some light on GMT's p500 offering Manoeuvre. The game revolves around eight nationalities, each of which are different in style and capability. The French were the first nation completed and most of the other nations used the French as their measuring stick.

The game does not focus on a specific battle or even a specific period of time other than the general time of Napoleon and his reign. The values and capabilities assigned to the units were a synthesis of about a dozen books on the tactics of the era, four well-done websites, and my old collection of Military History magazines combined with a verification system utilizing two miniatures systems and a handful of Napoleonic war games. I made a conscious effort early on to not copy units values directly from other games but to use these games as a sort of fact-check after the assignments were made. On more than one occasion, units I gave one grade to substantially differed from that in some games. If this happened, I looked for more information that might warrant a change. Sometimes I found it, sometimes not. In the end, some units were downgraded a notch or bumped up simply for competitive concerns. This is especially true for the French who are very strong as is, but might have been nigh unstoppable if I remained faithful to the resources used.

THE UNITS The eight units chosen for the French were the Imperial Guard, 2nd Legere, 8th Legere. 19th Ligne, 45th Legere, 4th Suisse, Guard Cavalry and 1st Cuirassiers. This mix of six infantry units to two cavalry became the game standard and six of the eight nations adhere to this ratio. Only the Guard units were chosen without hesitation, I just knew they had to be in there. The others were harder to decide upon and honestly I could have chosen any of a dozen or so units and the game would have been the same. In the end I took represenative units that I had the best information on. Not much needs to be said regarding strengths. The units are all strong and each has the capability to launch attacks. The French cavalry pursues better than most everyone else. The artillery capabilities are above average. Both Guard units are able to refuse to advance into undesired terrain after a successful battle (most other units must occupy a position if the successfully dislodge an opponent).

THE LEADERS Each leader card can be played for one action a game. These are combining multiple units adjacent to an enemy unit into one combined attack, adding a combat modifier to a unit on either attack or defense, and rallying units that have been flipped to a reduced side during the Recovery Phase. The leaders included in the French deck are Davout, Soult, Ney, Murat, Lannes, and Nappy himself. Napoleon and Davout unite four units into one combat against a single, surrounded opponent. All of the others can combine two or three units into one attack. Napoleon and Davout add 5 to a unit's combat value, Ney 4, Soult and Murat 3, and Lannes 2. Ney, Lannes, Murat and Bonaparte can rally a unit on a roll of 1-5 on a d6, Davout and Soult do so on a 1-3. If Murat leads a successful cavalry attack that ends in pursuit, he lends an helphul modifier to the pursuit roll. Napoleon can assemble the grand battery which allows a massive bombardment attack from any unit on the board.

THE UTILITY CARDS The French have the most vanilla set of utility cards in the game. All of the cards are useful, but there is very little up their sleeves. The steamroller you see is generally all you have to worry about. There is one sapper card that negates the defensive bonuses of redoubts, one redoubt card that adds +3 to a unit's defense, 3 Forced Marches that allow an extra movement for a unit that already moved in a turn, 1 Skirmish to try to draw out defensive cards of an opponent, 4 Supply cards to either move an extra unit or restore a reduced one, and 4 Withdraws to allow retreat from undesired combats.

THE PLAY In game terms, the French could be compared to the Evil Empire (not the Yankees, the other one). Their attacks are punishing and able to breech the toughest lines if they set their mind on it, on defense they are as tough as any nation in the game, their elite units are the best units in the game, their leaders are numerous and above average. The biggest drawback is that old bug-a-boo of being able to do too much and getting over-extended. Between equal players the French should be used against the British, Russians or Prussians for even matches. If a handicap is desired, say to tempt a newcomer, the inexperienced player should be given the French against the Austrians, Americans or Spanish. I have left out the Turks here since they are almost a specialized army. A player who is experienced with the Turks can defeat the French about half the time, but someone that does not understand or like the style required to play the Turks successfully will lose every time.

WINNING WITH THE FRENCH The French pose the least problems to a player. Victory can be achieved about 55% against the other big 3 led by equally experienced players and rises to about 65% if all other 7 nations ar included. 4 Supply cards and 4 Withdraw cards make the side fairly forgiving of mistakes. The strong leaders and strong units allow a player to choose about any strategy and expect to at least be in the game to the end. The biggest benefit of the French to the game is the ability to handicap a game. The 'forgivness' factor of the French works wonders when a new player is allowed to use them. Mistakes will be made and the French resilience allows that player to remain in the game. Victory will probably not result (although it can), but the new player will not feel cheated when a unit is lost 5 minutes into a game. The remaining units can more that hold their own and keep that player involved for the duration.

11:24 PM

(1) Comments

COLD WARS DIRECTOR AUDIO REPORT 1/23

Mister Nizz

COLD WARS (TM) 2006 CONVENTION DIRECTOR'S AUDIO REPORT





This is the first in a series of COLD WARS DIRECTOR audio reports. I will be doing one of these a week leading up to the convention, and possibly more than that.

Week beginning: 1/23/06

Walt bemoans unimaginative network security policies, and gives the weekly report on what's going on with COLD WARS 2006



Visit the COLD WARS (tm) WEBSITE to register and get further information

2:22 PM

(0) Comments

In the grand old tradition of annoying web quizzes, we present..

Mister Nizz

What Overbearing Consimworld Personality Type are YOU???



To take the test, click on the link above and click somewhere in the range between "Strongly Agree" and "Strongly Disagree" to derive YOUR CSW personality type!

(Disclaimer: this "test" is given in the spirit of fun and gentle leg-pulling. If you are offended by the results, then I apologize in advance.)

The results of MY attempt at the CSW personality type quiz are below. I'm a TRUE FAN!

You scored as The True Fan. There is a game, maybe a couple of games, that you like very, very much. You are such a fan, you can't stand to see it punished in print or on CSW. For you, _____________ (insert game) IS wargaming, plain and simple.

The True Fan

92%

Mad Man

75%

The Zealot

75%

The Dry English Wit

58%

His Divine Holiness

58%

Mister Paranoid

50%

The Jingoist

8%

What CSW TYPE are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

12:36 AM

(0) Comments

CAMPAIGNER and VIRTUAL TABLETOP

Mister Nizz

... from Capital 7 Games.. I just stumbled upon this website after following a link from the WarpWar discussion list. I'm quite impressed. C7G is making use of three dimensional computer rendering to create a dynamic campaign mapping system for wargaming (CAMPAIGNER). This is a campaign managing software program that lets you run map-based campaigns for just about any table top war game.



For my money, the best campaign management software out there is BERTHIER, a free MS DOS program. BERTHIER does many tasks elegantly, most notable being logistics and supply (nobody's favorite chore), hidden movement, and maintaining a campaign log of activity. I don't really do many campaigns, but I have used this software before and I consider BERTHIER to be the logical default for a long range campaign manager. Contrasting BERTHIER with CAMPAIGNER would be a difficult task at this point. I'm reasonably well versed in BERTHIER's functions but CAMPAIGNER is not yet in public Beta. Based merely on what I can see, CAMPAIGNER does not appear to have the 'legs' that BERTHIER has-- tracking historical data, maintaining logs, logistics, supply, intelligence reports, etc. On the other hand, CAMPAIGNER looks to be a wonderful visual mapping tool for campaigns, which BERTHIER is "merely adequate" at. I am hoping to get on the public beta test team for both CAMPAIGNER and the next item, VIRTUAL TABLETOP, to get a better understanding of what the final product will do. I'm enthused!

VIRTUAL TABLETOP is nothing less than a virtual environment for playing out miniatures battles. In the words of the developer, (VT) "is a utility that allows two people to play a table top wargame (for instance Epic or Ogre) in a 3d environment no matter where they are. They can create the environment, with buildings, forests and such and then deploy their forces from a select list of models. Of course, the models will have to come from somewhere. The units that a person places can be moved and rotated and there is a dice tool that allows you to roll different dice in any number. You can create your own dice as well."

VT is quite the whiz bang Oh-Gee-Whiz program, and I can't wait for this to be ready!
Especially the Ogre Miniatures bit. The big drawback, of course, is that users will either have to rapidly prototype generic bits for the historica eras they play in (no sweat if you are a VRML modeller type... I'm not!) or rely on generic soldier bits (and what's the fun in THAT?). I hope this product catches on and army libraries start building up-- the DBA crowd already use something similar with DBA ONLINE, and that's an example of a product with wonderful fanbase support.

Virtual Tabletop with OGRE minis

More on this after I tinker with it for a while. Here's a short video of how the thing is supposed to work.




Campaigner, Virtual Tabletop, and this video copyright 2006 Capital 7 Games

12:20 AM

(1) Comments

The Prank Call of Cthulhu

Mister Nizz

The Cosmic Connection between Kid's Cartoons and H.P. Lovecraft


Billy, Mandy and Grim

Casual readers of this blog (and I know I have a few) might recognize that I like the works of oneMister Howard Phillips Lovecraft, e.g. "H.P." Lovecraft,the crafter of bombastic, turgid pulp fiction and the creator of the "Mythos" of Cthulhu and associated mythologies. H.P. wrote about many cosmic, zany critters, the most famous of which being "Cthulhu", the squid headed god that lies buried under the Pacific in the dead city of Rylyeh.

What's the connection with the animated figures? Well, one of the cartoon shows my kids watch (and I pay minimal attention to) is THE GRIM ADVENTURES OF BILLY AND MANDY, a very goth-like cartoon about a cynical wise cracking little girl and idiotic boy who somehow (I came into this thing late) have connived to have the Grim Reaper (replete with Jamaican accent) live with them as their bestest buddy.

Anyhoo, a recent episode that I'm trying to track down has clear Lovecraftian references!! Check out this plot summary to THE PRANK CALL OF CTHULHU!

Billy and Irwin are making prank calls. When they call Mandy, she tells them everybody has caller ID so they'll know who is calling on the phone. Billy wishes for a phone without caller ID. When he finds the phone of Cthulu, Billy and Irwin get sucked into another dimension. Grim and Mandy have to go into another universe to find Billy. After they find the two dorks, Billy undergoes a strange transformation on his face. When Billy finds a room with a phone, he makes a lot of prank calls. Anyone who falls for Billy's prank phone calls, they morph into mutants. What will be the outcome?


Some of my fellow Lovecraft geeks have seen this one and report that it's quite hysterical. Check it out if you see it on the schedule!

9:53 AM

(0) Comments

SF Vehicles Survey

Mister Nizz





Personally, I think these guys are making very pedestrian choices.

My favorite SF vehicle:

THE JUGGERNAUT





From the most excellent Republican serial ever, THE UNDERSEA KINGDOM:

1:09 PM

(1) Comments

The Street Value of Games.

Mister Nizz

As my recent FORUM POST on boardgamegeek might indicate, I'm getting more and more frustrated with the notion of the "trading post" feature of BGG. Clearly, I'm a bit naive here. My interpretation of the feature was that there were a bunch of people who had want lists and trade lists, and that the trading post matched wants against available games.

Such is not the case, at least in my experience. Games have their own intrinsic value above and beyond the value of a trade (which, if you track sales on EBay, this is something of a stupid statement) to both individuals. Here is the result of several recent attempts to "trade games" on boardgamegeek:


==================================================
The trade offered between hotspur and ScarletJester has expired.

Game(s) From hotspur
-----------------------
1. Age of Napoleon


Game(s) From ScarletJester
-----------------------
1. Dark Future

===============================================
The trade offered between hotspur and SalladDazed has expired.

Game(s) From hotspur
-----------------------
1. Elfenland


Game(s) From SalladDazed
-----------------------
1. Wizards

===============================================
Game(s) From hotspur
-----------------------
1. Elfenland


Game(s) From robbydee
-----------------------
1. Warhammer Quest


I don't think so ... I don't like Warhammer Quest, but I spent a ton of money on it, and I think it's worth more than Elfenland

================================================
Game(s) From hotspur
-----------------------
1. Age of Napoleon



Game(s) From slinkyboy
-----------------------
1. Peloponnesian War

slinkyboy's comment: Thanks, but I'm looking for a bit more for Peloponnesian War.

=================================================

Two parts:
Part 1:

BoardGameGeek Trade Proposal (the only one I've ever received)

The user 'Fenway5' is proposing a game trade with the following details:

Game(s) From Fenway5
-----------------------
1. War of the Ring

Game(s) From hotspur
-----------------------
1. Sniper!

copy unplayed only shrink is off

(I would have jumped on this, had I seen it in time)

Part 2:

(I had not seen this one until after it expired)

When you did not respond, I got a couple other people inquiring about this game and offering stuff, so if you would be willing to trade:

TSR sniper collection
Enemy in sight (AH)
Samurai (AH)

I wll do the trade with you!
Let me know,
Christopher


hotspur Wrote:
-------
Dang! That's what I get for being away from the Geek for a while.

Still interested, or is this snapped up?

Walt


BoardgameGeek Wrote:
-------
BoardGameGeek Trade Expired

The trade offered between Fenway5 and hotspur has expired.

Game(s) From Fenway5
-----------------------
1. War of the Ring

===============================================

Game(s) From hotspur
-----------------------
1. Buck Rogers - Battle for the 25th Century Game


Game(s) From nysmoke
-----------------------
1. Warhammer Quest


nysmoke's comment: Sorry, but WQ is worth about 6X (or more - mine is in like-new condition) than BR.
==============================================

Note that last one. That was one of my first attempts to trade on BGG, and a big tip off that there was an intrinsic value factor that far exceeded the participant's desire to get a game in trade as payment.

When I reacted by replying "I'm sorry, didn't know you were in it for the money" (which might have been stated more diplomatically), the other guy got kind of snippy, implying I was an idiot to make such a trade in the first place.

There's some obvious assumptions I'm missing in my naivete. I thought that if you are putting your game on a trading list, aand some game titles on a want list, then maybe you are interested in the exchange. If you want a more tangible return for your game, why not try Ebay? I've yet to have a single trade offer be accepted, and it's clear to me from my responses that I'm not offering enough in return.

Boardgamegeek needs some form of objective value indicator to make trading worth my while, or I'm not going to bother with it any more.

12:16 PM

(0) Comments

This RPG is half-baked

Mister Nizz

An innovative approach to making your own gaming pieces




Christmas time is a magical time… more magical than you might expect!
During those twelve magical days, gingerbread men awaken, given life by the magic of the Oven and Mother Baker. They rush around your home, having adventures, getting in and out of trouble.

And there is a lot of trouble.


Such is the premise of THE SECRET LIFE OF GINGERBREAD MEN, by Annie Rush, published by "Wicked Dead Brewing Company", which appears to be a print-and-play style publishing house (they are the creators of Necromonopoly, below).

One of the great assumptions of this game is dirt simple, yet awe-inspiring. You can eat the figures that you will end up playing with. Yes, you heard that right, the game utilizes Gingerbread men as the primary characters and they interact with each other. And even better, BAKING GINGERBREAD MEN is an integral part of the game. According to the instructions, the rules of the game can be taught during the time it takes to bake gingerbread men (and the recipe is included), so that activity becomes part of the game. HOW you decorate your Gingerbread man means something in this game as well-- the little sprinkles, frosting and decorations all have a signficance (usually representing a special ability of some type).

The mechanics appear to be dirt simple-- something from the "fistfull of dice, apply modifiers" school. That's really not important to me. The idea that the game reovles around baking and playing with little cookie men is so ballsy and innovative I'm gonna have to buy this.

A big shout out and thang kew to Paul at HAVE GAMES, WILL TRAVEL for mentioning this on this annual Christmas Podcast!

9:00 AM

(1) Comments

Necromonopoly

Mister Nizz

Heh, here's a game for me!





Click on the graphic to proceed to the site.

For the price, and even with rather DTP style graphics, this looks like quite a bargain.

10:32 PM

(0) Comments

READ... HIS... LIPS!

Mister Nizz

(note: this is a .SWF file. If you can't see it, you might need a Flash plug in to view it)



And for all you disco fans out there, if you're still alive, I humbly apologize. The devil made me do it.

11:04 AM

(0) Comments

Pimping for my HAWK pals

Mister Nizz

The HAWKs Present Barrage X




Historical Miniatures' Gaming Convention

Saturday January 21th, 2006



To be held at Archbishop Curley High School in Baltimore.



Sponsored by the Harford Area Weekly Kriegspielers -- The HAWKs



A one day historical miniatures mini-convention in Baltimore

Maryland, for all periods and scales.



The convention will run from 9:00 'AM till 10:00 PM. Arrive early to

enjoy the full day. Setup for 9:00 AM games and for flea market

tables will begin at 8:30.



Fees:

$8.00 USD At the Door

$6.00 USD Gamemasters

$6.00 USD Pre-registered

$6.00 USD Active duty military, with ID

FREE Children under 13 (with adult)





Vendor / flea market tables are available.

($6.00 for 1/2 day, $10.00 USD all day plus admission)



Contact:

Geoff Graff 410-557-2456 ggraff7 at verizon.com



Duncan Adams 410-647-5734 dnbadams at aol.com





Web Page: http://mysite.verizon.net/vzeqnmab/hawks/



Call or write for a Preliminary Events List.

8:22 PM

(0) Comments

Ray Negin should have read Roald Dahl

Mister Nizz


The Story of Prince Pondicherry and the Palace of Chocolate

The Prince of Pondicherry makes an appearance in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He tells Wonka to build him a palace entirely out of chocolate, and Wonka assures him that it will be. He ignores wonka when he is told that he should eat the palace, and when Princess Pondicherry is feeding him candies from a large box, drops of melting chocolate begin fall on his head. The palace begins to fall apart, but he and Princess Pondicherry escape covered in chocolate.


Poor Ray Negin, I fear he's out of his depth. He should have read his Willy Wonka...

Here was his comment on rebuilding New Orleans on Monday:

"I don't care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day," he said. "This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be."


Hey, don't believe me, see for yourself!!



Wow, God doesn't want white people to live in New Orleans?

Of course, this isn't racially divisive at all, according to Nagin (apologizing the next day)

"How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about," he said. "New Orleans was a chocolate city before Katrina. It is going to be a chocolate city after. How is that divisive? It is white and black working together, coming together and making something special."


Again, see Mayor Negin's inept cover-up remarks (note: he's wearing the same shirt, so it must have been relatively shortly afterwards that he figured he'd put his foot in his mouth... or mor appropriately, one of his aides told him he had blown it)



Frankly, this is the stupidest, most inept blunder I've ever witnessed in a public official-- and it's likely to cost New Orleans quite a lot of money, maybe even millions. What planet is Negin from where he thinks that whites wouldn't take offense to blatant racial insensitivity?

Well, what the heck, Marion Barry got away with it back in 1994, why can't Ray Negin get away with it in 2006? A savvy, big city mayor like Negin needs to bring his A game during days like this. Shame on him, and shame on him for lying to get out of trying to explain his gaffe, too.

7:19 PM

(0) Comments

God's telling me something...

Mister Nizz

Ya, like these web tests are rigged, dammit!

You scored as Drunken Bum Santa. You like to live your own way and do not enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you that you should do different. Laying around in your own urine and vomit is a recreation option.


Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel

Drunken Bum Santa

88%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

69%

SG-1 (from Stargate)

56%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

56%

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

50%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

50%

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

50%

Moya (from Farscape)

44%

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

3:48 PM

(0) Comments

What the frackin' frack?

Mister Nizz



People see drunken confusion in your eyes. Something has happened or is happening to you that has made you a substance abuser and depressed. Dont get too upset though... you'll have another engagement next year!


HASH(0x8cd402c)

What Do People See Inside of Your eyes?( anime pics& 4 gals only)

brought to you by Quizilla


(apologies to the writers of Battlestar Galactica)

2:49 PM

(0) Comments

We're in the running for an award

Mister Nizz



Check it out, HERE!!!

10:22 AM

(1) Comments

The more things change...

Mister Nizz

Bloody Mary: you say it in front of a mirror and turn round three times..



Interesting point on the line above. This is, I believe, the old "Bloody Mary" story that was au courant when *I* was a littlun. Well, perhaps not exactly current as my grandfather admitted to hearing a variant when he was a kid.

In any event, last week I received a distressed phone call from a mom down the street. Gar (my imaginative lad) had told her sensitive little one the exact same story, only that the ghost of "Bloody Mary" resided in their elementary school boy's bathroom, and now her little tyke wouldn't go to the john unless a parent was with him.

I reassured her that I would look into it, and had Gar apologize and do the manful thing... he was just repeating what he'd heard on the playground, after all.

The astonishing bit is that the old story is still here after all these decades, word for word!

One wonders where the original stems from. It clearly predates the alleged 1970s source material quoted in the link above-- I know I heard it as a child, or a version of this story. Perhaps the origins are rooted to an earlier "Typhoid Mary" or maybe the "Hail Mary" prayer, perverted by the retelling? Who knows?

9:43 AM

(0) Comments

Mr. Vaughn... I know Geeks. I work with Geeks. Geeks are my friends. And you sir, are no geek...

Mister Nizz


Check out the paragraph about famous pick up lines in THIS INTERVIEW with actor Vince Vaughn. Somehow, I don't think this guy ever painted a miniature elf in his life. He's a passable actor and I like his movies (generally speaking), but a geek he ain't.

6:48 AM

(0) Comments

DIPLOMACY resumes... thank goodness.

Mister Nizz


Resolving F1904, moving onward to S1905 with a new Austria



News: Austria had gone into Civil Disorder in 1904, and Mark Weston was not heard from after repeated emails. Therefore we resolved to replace him with... Jim Adams, the former British player, whose schedule was now opened up to allow gaming. Jim, as you may recall, was our first King of England. Let's hope nobody has an old grudge!! :-D

First, I rerun the turn with the correct (Non) orders of Austria, which shows him making no moves (civil disorder). It's a slightly different result:



Two results: Italy retreats and Austria loses a unit in the Balkans





Russia gets two builds, one at MOS and one at WAR:



(the map changes somewhat)

And THIS is how the map looks going into S1905



Welcome back, Jimbo!

2:12 PM

(0) Comments

SLUSH PILE RESULTS

Mister Nizz

"From the Slush Pile" contest results



I actually got quite a few entries on this one, and I thought I'd share.

First of all, reference THIS POST to find the slush pile sentences to choose from.

The challenge was to take a sentence from the slush pile and expand it to a paragraph in the spirit in which the author (apparently) intended.

The resulting entries are pretty danged hilarious. Some came in from TMP, some from Consimworld, and some, actually, from literary-inclined Yahoogroups! Go figure!

Andy (TMP) said...
Freddy was in the habit of staring at Beverly's legs as they peaked from her Susie Wong slit dresses. She had a dozen of them.

"Be careful what you wish for--" an expression Freddy now understood. He had meant to ask the Genie for a girl with a lot of leg-- not a lot of legs!

The REAL Andy! (TMP?) said...
Ashala's head felt like vermicelli slowly slipping off the platter of her sholders.

She knew when the pirates had taken her to this island that she would never be the same, but little did she know what power there was in his great noodly appendage. The FSM withdrew, having converted yet another folower to pastafarianism!

(Might make sense to a few of you…)

T.S. WILDE (Consimworld) sends:

1. Talan gestured at the controls. "Overheating of the glycgroms in the thermoperamulator. You know how it is."

Moron nodded. "Yes, it's almost as bad as the dayspan when the oscillatronulator leaked polytronomicrons all over the speculatronometer! How we laughed - once we'd cleared up the mess."

"Good times," murmured Talan, "Good times. I'll miss Rabbitania."

2. The afternoon was very calm but consolidated. The birds were singing but were not blithesome.

The clouds frolicked, if not with their usual winsomeness, across the corpulescent sky. It would be one of those days, full of perpetuosity, Carruthers meandered to himself, as he discombobulated his lovely cheese and hamming sandwich.

3. He groped in his trousers and came up with a dirty piece of trash which I thought he'd just throw away.

Instead, he whipped out a tiny digicam, snapped a digipic of the offending item and posted the disgusting picture on the WorldWideWalt for the sordid amusement of its mindless scions.

4. Weston was known for the firm but genital hold he had on his men. It was one of the reasons he was chosen for this mission over six other equally qualified men.

He was to lead the elite Village People squad in their quest to rule the airwaves, armed with nothing more than a few catchy hooks and an array of costumes.

Weston stroked his moustache, adjusted his leather cap and cracked his whip. "Let's do it. Destination: the YMCA...".

Jason Schmidt (Consimworld) sends:

1. The eyes of the braver animals ran down my neck and spine.
The eyes of the craven animals I crushed beneath my feet as unworthy of my animal bath. The beasts soon learned the hierarchy of boldness within the dark confines of my slaughterhouse-cum-bath house and fought for recognition, each trying to outdo the other in feats of strength and reckless courage.

2. He whetted his lips.

Soon they were honed to a razor-sharpness, edges gleaming in the dim light. He moved on to his jawline, then eyelids, and so on. By the end of the afternoon every part of his face was brought to a fine, deadly edge. The Duel of the Faces would begin at sunrise, and Citizen 2847653-Prime had long since resolved to win at any cost.

Ronda Del Boccio (writer's Yahoogroup) said...
Weston was known for the firm but genital hold he had on his men. It was one of the reasons he was chosen for this mission over six other equally qualified men.

Yes, those six other men had tried hard, but only Weston could hold his men with such genital command. Without belittling them or balling them out, he let them know who was in charge. With his firm grasp guiding them, they all worked and moved as one.

Sean Hourihan (writer's Yahoogroup) said...
Sudenly, all the eyes in the room rose from their fixed positions on the floor to stare at him.

The tempest raged about the mad king, its fury stoking the fires of his rage.

Knowing all was lost, he clutched at his face. 'Begone you vile jellies!' he screamed, 'I cast you out!'

His eyes, bloodied and torn, fell to the floor. 'Please Master,' they beseeched, 'do not cast us out.'

'It is over,' moaned the king.

'But we don't want to become autonomous body parts!'

'It is done,' said the king, 'begone now and leave me in peace.'

Sudenly, all the eyes in the room rose from their fixed positions on the floor to stare at him.

Carys Weldon (writer's Yahoogroup) said...
Miles looked deep into those clear blue eyes who's debts were infinite.

He was crazed by the bills he'd racked up at the payday loan place in order to make payments on the mirror he bought from the witch who sold apples in the forest near the dwarf's cottage. And the mirror wasn't helping. Every time he looked into the reflection, it said, "You'll never make enough money as a gigolo to pay your interest. Look at you! What's that witch paying you, anyway? Apples? Look down, man, look down!"

Jennifer DiCamillo (writer's Yahoogroup) said...
Mona was on the liquilounge, her dark eyes pouring over him like warm jello.

Purring like the survivor island rejectee that she was, she flicked her well-manicured finger in a slow come-hither as she said, "You stir me like instant pudding, Hot Rocket Boy. Why don't you come over here and get things cooking?"

The hibachi was already fired up with mystery meat marinating. All she needed now was the milk man.

Mister Nizz (a familiar face) said...
Instinctively, without thinking about it, he grabbed the woman and hugged her and then gave her breasts a couple of playful pinches. "Commander please," she said as she blushed and began yodeling.

"Hailing Frequencies are o-pen, sir, yodel-ee, yodel-ee, yodel-ee-hee-HOO!"

(not for scoring, just for S&G)

Matt "Darth Tater" Foster (Consimworld) sends:

"Bastard! I shall severe your soul."

Winslow nodded in grim satisfaction. With a subtle flick of his wrist, he motioned for the class to repeat the phrase once again.

“Bastard!” twelve throats shouted in unison. “ I shall severe your soul.”

“Y después,” he continued: “En inglés, por favor: Aquí está mi pasaporte.”

“I shall thrust your sister’s face into my groin!” they replied.

Winslow took perverse satisfaction in the belief that every person in his class would, once again, go straight from Customs and Immigration to the big federal lockup in Atlanta. It might take him a decade, he reflected, but he would have his revenge on the world for being denied his Filipina mail-order bride.

Michael "Heart of Darkness" Reed (consimworld) adds:

Mona was on the liquilounge, her dark eyes pouring over him like warm jello.

1) "Mmmm, lovely," he whispered while gazing into her now-empty eye-sockets, "Are you familiar with the term 'skullf*ck'?"

2) Instinctively, without thinking about it, he grabbed the woman and hugged her and then gave her breasts a couple of playful pinches. "Commander please," she said as she blushed and began yodeling.

The yodeling was just a coy distraction...while he was covering his ears to drown out the noise, Yeoman Rand made her move, grabbing Commander Scott by the testicles...frantically, Scottie hailed the bridge.

"Cap'n! I'va tried milkin' the young lass as ye suggestid, but it dinnin do nary a bit o' good! Now she's a got me by the wee hairy lads, and is a threatn'in to shove my wiener in da warp drive!!"

NOTE: (Mike's been in Nigeria a long time)

T.S. Wilde, our man in Qatar, (also Consimworld) sends:

Mona was on the liquilounge, her dark eyes pouring over him like warm jello.

"Mmmm, lovely," he whispered while gazing into her now-empty eye-sockets, "Now add the ice-cream oozing from your cavernous nostrils..."

... Later that sultry afternoon, as Mona lay, satiated, on the gas-o-bed, he murmured into her recumbent, slowly solidifying ears, "I guess now I know how you got your name..." [continued page 94].

And the Winners...



1. Matt Foster: English Class gone very, very bad.
2. T.S. Wilde: Her Dark eyes like jello, cont. on page 94.
3. Jason Schmidt, "He whetted his lips..."

Of course, they are all rather good...

12:25 PM

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NOVAG 06 Winter Game Day

Mister Nizz

Garrett and I had to drive Annie down to Richmond to enjoy the Inauguration Festivities (not for me, thanks!), so on the way back we dropped in on the NOVAG GAME DAY, located at the Woodbridge Game Parlor game store. We were going to attend in any case-- Garrett enjoys games, although his attention span is what you would expect from a 7 year old.

We got there after the event started, but not that late. There were four tables going, with events on each one-- George Callinan's new Greek Independence Rules game, Hayley running FLAMES OF WAR, Steve Robinson running a terrific Trench Wars system game, and Roxanne Patton running The Battle of Inyezane. Tim Tilson saw me and wagged me over, handing off his small command of cavalry (Boer volunteers, I think) and Natal militia, as he had to be busy doing NOVAG stuff.

I set up Garrett with some amusement and took command.

The scenario is described thusly:

NOTE: January 22, 1879. The right wing of the British advance into Zululand is Col. Pearson’s column. An impi 6,000 Zulus lie in ambush at the Inyezane River. Remarkable leadership by Col. Pearson and exemplary conduct by a young Navy Midshipman rally the Queen's colonial forces in the face of overwhelming odds. This is just one of 10 scenarios from the Zulu war that will be published later this year by Colonial Campaigns.

The battlefield was a river crossing at the bottom of the field (the Inyenaze River), with only one practicable fording point.

The three-pronged hill was the dominating feature of the field- See Figure 1.


Figure 1: Basic Terrain of battlefield


Terrain: The road (brown dashes) crosses the ford, cuts right and heads up the right-most hill. The green shrubs markers indicate "rough" terrain at a lower level of elevation. You can shoot over it but not into it with any degree of accuracy. If a zulu stand moves into "rough" it essentially disappears from view unless contacted in melee. The Kraal was our objective point, and the major source of victory points. The Inyenaze was uncrossable except at one point (which caused the inevitable traffic jam) and the smaller stream pointing north was crossable. Going up hill (on one of the three "forks") greatly reduces movement.

Recap Notes: For the most part, much of this recounting is compressed, as I wasn't there at start and had to leave about half an hour early, as well as constantly trying to keep Garrett amused. I don't have the OOB handy so instead of specifying I'll just say "Infantry" "Engineers" "big pack of Zulus" "Sailors" etc. Standard NATO symbols prevail in the following illustrations, as well as "M" for milita, a boxed arrow for Zulus, and G for Gatling guns. The Brits are uniformly red except for Naval Infantry (blue) and the naval Gatling (also blue). The wagons have their own symbol, as they are a victory condition for the zulus. (Yes, normally I take pictures, but I left my camera home for once)

As I recall, the Brit side gets VPs for kiling zulus and getting to the kraal. The zulu side gets points for killing English and capturing wagons.

The rules are modified BROTHER AGAINST BROTHER, a system that I like, in general.

Figure 2 is a very generalized representation of how the scenario looked as I joined the game. I'm in charge of our only cavalry unit (which was a Boer volunteer horse thing, trained and well armed, but not exactly the Heavy Brigade, either). I also am in charge of the NNC (Natal Native Contingent, the Militia unit (red box with M). We can see movement in the rough up ahead on the right hand side, but can't really "see" it as the Zulus are advancing in cover. Being scout types, we spurred on ahead.


Figure 2: SITREP at start (roughly.. there may have been some British Inf across the river at this point, but they hadn't gotten very far).


Figure 3 depicts the nasty suprise waiting for my two "speed bump" units as we manfully advanced upon the right and center hills. Up jumps some "ndoklos" of zulus (small tactical unit designation),, it wasn't a HUGE suprise, as I knew they were coming with my God-like view of the battle, but in real life terms the bush would have erupted with asegi-wielding fiends at this point.. enough to give the stoutest soul some pause.


Figure 3: "Zulus, sah! The hills are crawling wif 'em!">


I believe the NNC actually engaged the oppossing Zulu force in the rough area in the middle, but that's really not important. Suffice to say that in the time-honored fashion of native militia, they balked at going in (half of 'em, anyhow) and those that DID engage took hideous casualties. On the right hill, the Volunteer cavalry did not fare very well, being charged by a full ndoklo of zulus, taking bad (but not hideous) casaulties, and being forced to make a retreat (a strategic regrouping, of course!)

I'd like to say that my selfless sacrifice did something important, like slow up the zulus long enough for my British comrades to get in line or something. But we didn't, not really. We did fall back in time to reform (what was left).

Figure 4 shows the Zulus swarming over the speed bumps and running down the hills to engage the British infantry. On a more ominous note, that grey line in the back is the MAIN ZULU FORCE (well, really just the start of it). They had finally rolled their entry roll, after sitting around for 3 turns doing nothing. And boy did they come on quick!!!


Figure 4: Lead zulus start to engage English Inf. as the main zulu force arrives on the map


At this stage, most of our wagons (if not all) were across the river. The lead wagon was being threatened by some elite zulus on the right(blue or green, it's a Brother Versus Brother thing). We were not going to give up a wagon without a fight (and give away VPs) so we rushed troops to our right to engage the uber-zulus.

Figure 5 shows the threat on the left clearly. The "right horn" of the zulu attack was coming on hot and heavy and the artillery boys had just set up on the lefthand hill to try to enfilade the zulu advance. Hmmmm. Not a good spot to be without Infantry!!!

And more zulus shift from the our right to our left, hidden in the rough...


Figure 5: threat on the left, moving the Gatlings over to engage the elite zulus


By this time, we had shot up some of the zulu units and caused them to break(see the yellow units), and they fled to the valley beyond the rightmost hill. Most of this was caused by ranged gunfire-- melee with zulus is a losing proposition.

Figure 6 shows our frantic efforts to adjust to the forces piling up on the left hand hill. The artillery gets off some nice enfilade fire on the center hill, causing great, grisly holes to show up in some of the ndoklos, but the REAL threat is coming on very quickly to the left, and can we shift the cannons in time? The player running the arty realizes the problem and rushes some armed engineers up the hill to help defend the guns. On the right, ndoklos from the center and right hill stream down to engage the wagon train and the infantry defending it. Here is where the British did wonderful execution of volley fire, gradually decimating those zulus.


Figure 6: Redcoats fight back!


Unfortunately, where the zulus meleed, they were killing machines, and the center of the British line did get cut up severely. At this point, my little command is reforming, and generally trying to find something useful to do.

Figure 7 shows the situation just a wee bit later. At this stage the artillery and engineers on the left hand hill are meleeing with the ONE ndoklo that can fit, and doing better than anybody else has in a stand up brawl with zulus. The naval infantry is advancing on the double quick to support the artillery. The Engineers and Infantry in the center are still fighting with the last of the Ndoklos from the earlier attack, and the Engineers (if I'm remembering right) got chopped up badly. However, the other two infantry in the center did a tremendous job of volley firing the zulus into zulu paradise.


Figure 7: Go you Redcoats! But we lose a wagon!


Note, also, that the Zulus did manage to strike a blow, and destroy one of our wagons, getting points for the effort.

Finallly, I do manage something useful. Figure 8 shows the battle at pretty close to finish-- we had a half hour to go and I had to bail soon as I had a very bored 7 year old to take care of. While the ndoklo was chopping up the Engineers, I had reformed my volunteer cavalry, wheeled it around and charged the flank of the attacking zulu unit, chopping THEM up into chutney for a change. And right after that, my overall leader card was called, so I did it again! This did a number on the attack in the center. On the right, the Gatling had come up but there hardly were any zulus to attack with it at that moment.


Figure 8: Where the battle ended for me!


A HUGE wave of zulus was advancing at this point, and so the game might have gone very differently if it had gone on for a few more hours. As it was it looked as if the Brits had the right and center flanks pretty much in hand, and were threatened on the left.

Alas, I had to leave before Garrett got snotty. My general impression was that the game would be a hard-fought victory, at best. We had caused horrendous casualties and flight in the advance of the Zulu attack (on the right) but were severely threatened on the left. Our best weapon, the Gatling, was not in the right place and would have to move to the left flank PDQ.

With only half an hour to go before the event was over, it was anyone's guess as to victory, but I would have given it to the Brits by a thin margin. MOST of the Zulus did not engage (through no fault of their own, just bad activation rolls). Where Brits and Zulus meleed, the brits were often the loser-- they had fewer figures per stand and that gives the zulus quite an advantage. However, volley fire (and presumably, the Gatling) might have made up for it.

FOLLOW UP: Apparently a lot happened in that half hour. Dave Markley reports that the artillery on the left was quickly overrun. The British didn't do nearly as good as I thought they did. With points given for capture of the kraal and for every zulu unit destroyed (and mind you, zulu units were freakin' huge...), the Brits only had 8 points and they needed 12. The Zulus did terrible damage to the Brits but didn't really wipe out more than one unit (though there were lots of reduced stands running around). Add to that the zulus were figuring out that their best advantage came from advancing through the dongas (those little shallow rough areas).

Technically, it was a draw. Neither side killed enough to rate "victory" but the Zulus had the advantage of terrain that the Brits did not. So, change the slim advantage to the Zulus...

Still, a fun game. Dave thought there were too many figures for the battlespace and he might have a point. It was very crowded and the zulus didn't really attack like the classic horns and and head motion because of the terrain.. the dongas broke up the MASS of the attack so they could only bring a certain amount of force to bear in selected areas. Still, that "hiding in the donga" super power was a nice compensation prize.