Snakehead Symphony

Here's something you don't see every day.

Whilst schlepping through the Firesign Theater's website (see the link in the sidebar, they are idols of mine), I happened on to a link to Phil Austin's (rather sadly untended) blog. There's lots of good stuff there about Phil's life and doings and the holidays and some really really BIG photos that make me glad for my high speed connection, but a gem among them was this, an apparently unreleased script for NICK DANGER, THIRD EYE by Phil called Snakehead Symphony. Typical surrealistic comedic stuff. Check it out!

SNAKEHEAD SYMPHONY

the character "Nick Danger" and Snakehead Symphony copyright Phil Austin

I just got done taking a mandatory "Awareness Training" via a CBT portal called Navy Knowledge Online. We get these drills sometimes, usually about security, IT awareness, various HR issues. You probably do something similar if you have a white collar job and have some form of automated ethics or time-reporting web based training.

The difference this time was THIS module was called "Trafficking in Persons Basic Awareness Training". The module at first seemed pretty silly-- my days of going to donkey bars being a part of the distant past and all. But the factual information was pretty staggering. The sheer numbers of people being moved around the world and being held in what is essentially modern day slavery is appalling.

I know that this was really meant for sailors visiting places like the Phillipines or Thailand and not fat old whitecollar me living in the comfortable 'burbs and all, but it really did open my eyes to something I didn't know existed.. or at least I didn't know the problem was as bad as it is.

Coincidence? You be the judge!

In my previous post on Thanksgiving, I mentioned visiting the Courthouse Civil War Museum in Winchester, VA. The museum was, at one time, used as a jail for captured Union prisoners of war. Apparently they liked to draw graffitti on the original plaster walls, which has become something of an archeological bonus for the place, and they display selected items prominently.

Mike Reed, Italy in our current Diplomacy game SINGULARITY1, read that bit, checked out the graffitti research page and pointed out two famous names coincidental to wargaming:

David "Civil War Brigade series" Powell (number 1) and
Charles "ASL" Kibbler (sp) (number 8)

Just a small bit of serendipity for all us geeks..

Acquire game commences with five players

Playing in this order:

1) Joe Steadman
2) Kimbo
3) Chris Wimbrow
4) Skip Franklin
5) Myself

Board at start:



Properties at start:



I'll be updating from time to time.

Good news from Gary Graber follows...

Panzerschreck #15


A lot of work has gone into the newest issue of PANZERSCHRECK, and I'm happy to say I can start giving information about what you can expect.
Issue #15 contains FOUR games, on a variety of topics. Here are the summaries of what you can expect from #15!

MORTAIN 1944 is a two-player hex game simulating the (limited) German panzer offensive in August 1944. It uses a variation of the ASSAULT ON CHERBOURG system (from issue #13). Contains 80 double-sided 1/2" die-cut counters, 8.5 x 11 full-color card map, rules.

RAID ON SCHWEINFURT is a solitaire game of the USAAF bombing raids in late 1943 against the Schweinfurt ball bearing factories in Germany. The player controls the planning and execution of the B-17 raid, assigning target, fighter coverage, how many waves, if there is a diversion wave, and so on. Includes "role play" option with rules so that you are one of the crew members of a participating Flying Fortress. Fly over Germany with up to 400 bombers in a game that plays in under an hour! Contains 60 double-sided 1/2" die-cut counters, 8.5 x 11 full-color card map with all game tables on it, rules.

HIPPODROME is a multi-player (works best with 3 to 5 players) card game of Roman chariot racing. The emphasis here is on strategy, not on becoming a demolition derby! Includes two 8.5 x 11 full-color cardstock maps (butted end to end to create the track), rules, with game markers and chariots in color on card, which must be cut out. (Yes, there are still whip attacks and ramming!) Designed by Neil Graber.

NORTH SEA CAMPAIGN is a strategic level World War I naval game for two players, where Britain's Grand Fleet versus Germany's High Seas Fleet vie for control of the North Sea. Includes 8.5 x 11 full-color map, rules (including solitaire options), dozens of individual ship counters (dreadnoughts, battlecruisers, pre-dreadnoughts), which must be cut out prior to play. The whole campaign game plays out in UNDER an hour... and includes optional tactical rules for those of you who like a little more detail.

I am terming the first two titles "issue games" since they have die-cut counters, and the last two "Mini-Sims", as they have odd-sized counters which must be cut out. So, you'll be getting four games on a wide variety of subjects... I am pleased with each of them!

And I haven't even mentioned the magazine yet! The feature article is a great interview with DON GREENWOOD, which will be a must read for fans of the hobby (Avalon Hill fans especially). In addition to this, there is the usual assortment of articles and variants on a variety of games, plus the usual PZSK magazine departments, much like previous issues. Oh, and it looks like this issue will be bigger than #14... I'm guessing 48 pages (all in glorious color) at this point.

We are setting up a kind of "pre-pub page" where you can reserve your copy, and we'll contact you (to pay) when it is ready to go. Art has sent me a couple great looking pics (including one of the new cover), but I will post it only when this link is all set. You will know the link is up when you see it posted here!

There are a couple of extra incentives I'm working on for pre-pub order guys, too. Pre-pub price is $20, including postage to N.America. Now, where in the world can you beat a deal like this??

I can anticipate the next question... when will it be ready? The goal still is December, but other than that, I can't be more specific. Art has shown me the initial artwork, and it looks great! At the moment, we're on schedule, but keep your fingers crossed!

So, you can expect the same kind of fun from the new issue as you've come to expect from previous issues.

When I have more info, I will post here and the Minden website. All previous PZSK issues are still available... check them all out by visiting www.homestead.com/minden_games, and click on the PRICES link.

I'll stay in touch, and thanks for the interest!

Quoted from CONSIMWORLD

I'm definitely interested in the Chariot game (like, DUH) and I make a point of buying all the WWI naval games that Minden/Gary has produced so far (I'm a fan of the desktop minis system DREADNOUGHTS AND BATTLECRUISERS by Gary). So I'm looking forward to this one with great anticipation.

As part of the recent Thanksgiving Trip, Drey, Anne, Gar and myself motored down to Luray to visit Luray Caverns. The kids have bugged us about it for a while, and frankly, I haven't gone since I was seven or so, so why not?

One happy memory I didn't have about the place is that all those little features they advertise on TV around here cost money, money, money... We got a kick out of Gar and Annie repeating word for word the cheesey Luray Caverns TV commercial and editing it for reality. "Get lost in a maze.. FOR SIX DOLLARS... visit the carriage museum... FOR SIX DOLLARS.. see our lovely caverns... FOR EIGHTEEN DOLLARS..." We just did the Caverns and got in the carriage museum for free.

Here are a few snaps I took with my Palm Zire:



A spectacular Stalagtite formation, looking like flowing water..



Another one, with flowstone on the side..



Looking down at a field of flow stone with the singular column called "Pluto's Ghost" illuminated in the center.



A living formation of flowstone, looking like candles dripping from strings...



Tried to get a picture of the underground reflecting pool.. it didn't come out due to poor illumination.



Part of a giant column, unfortunately the light was awful here.

A giddy, spelunk-y time was had by all.. I actually liked the carriage house, as it had some fairly obscure automobiles in it, including my favorite, a three wheeler Morgan. Not a bad trip, I wouldn't do it EVERY year, though.

We went up to the Cabin on the West Virginia border.. no email, no internet, no telephones for four days. It snowed. Fairly pleasant, actually. I did some writing (articles for magazines) and worked on a notional "what if" game putting the Yamato up against an Iowa class battleship, based upon a recent article I was reading in Naval History magazine. It was a fun time.



You can't see it, but the ridge behind the cabin is a small mountain range, and the border with West Virginia.

My assignment: Cook the turkey in this vat of boiling oil, and for God's sake, don't set this mostly wooden building on fire.



My niece, Sara, dropped by and regaled me with stories of grease burns at her current job as an assistant manager at Sheets. It's a temporary job while she's in school.

I believe the quote here is "Grease. Ya, man... can't get enough of that stuff"..



The young, they can afford to be nihilistic.



Even though they are really only good for carwash shammies, a wandering stray kitten, attracted by heat and popping grease, drops by. What the heck, any port in a storm.

ANNIE certainly seemed to take a shine to it. Or does she have an ulterior motive???



Yep, sure enough...



Hey, girls, stop that! It will only tip over the vat of boiling oil in its death agonies!! Will you stop and THINK???

Later on...



Annie says... "Cute Fried Kitten... that's goooood eating!"

Audrey contributes the food so nice, you feel it twice! Stuffed Jalapeno peppers! Mmmmm...



You cooked a WHAT??????!!!



Later on, Gar and I are bored. We visit the only affordable museum around, the Winchester Courthouse Civil War Museum. It featured buttons, buttons, buttons, buttons, shells, shells, shells, shells, bullets, bullets, bullets, bullets, bullets, Some wall graffiti and a few cannon.



Garrett learns to fire over open sites.



My son.. roughly cannonball sized...

To sum up rapidly, we had a great time... being restful!! We actually got around a bit and saw some things. We went down to New Market and over to Luray Caverns, which was fun, albeit pricey.

The Hottest Ticket in this town

Isn't some senatorial hearing or show wandering into town from Broadway. It's the public unveiling of Tai Shen, the baby giant panda at the National Zoo in a week or so. Alas, I know better than to even try to get on THAT waiting list-- I'm not well connected. But I hope to take Annie and Gar when the crowds die down a bit.

Due to existing agreements with the People's Republic of China, the only place on Earth where pandas live in the wild, the United States will have to send Tai Shen home in two years. That's really too bad-- he's a sweetie, isn't he?

Game Commentary

I've asked Allan "Scoops" Rothberg to comment and generate the occassional analytical piece on Singluarity 1, our first DIPLO game. Here's some excellent general points on early game play and general strategy:

Diplomacy - for a change of pace - early game strategies and where we are at.

Part I

Most game of Diplomacy start out with several possible cyclonic systems on the map.

System 1 is centered on the Balkans and involves Turkey, Ausria-Hungary and Russia. 2 of these 3 ally to bash the jejeezus out of the third. As Austria-Hungary and Russia have back doors, so to speak, it is generally Turkey that draws short straw in this system.

System 2 are the Benelux nations. This time it is Germany, England and France that rotate around these neutral centers, and 2 pounce on 1 and shut the odd man out. The situation is slightly different than in the Balkans, as the two countries with a map edge to one flank have some immunity - England courtesy of the big ditch and France because of the Iberian peninsula.

There are only 2 centers up for grabs here, and all three powers can look elsewhere for neutrals, so things are usually less dire than in the Balkans with its 4 centers, and almost the only neutrals AH and Turkey can go for.

System 3 is Scandanavia. Generally only England and Russia can vie for more than 1 center here, and even then, it is difficult without peaceful borders elsewwhere. Germany can grab Denmark with ease, but is hard pressed to advance anywhere else, without building a navy or unless France and Russia are occupied heavily elsewhere.

Systems 4a and 4b are the Iberian peninsula and North Africa. Both are normally default captures for France and Italy, respectively, although England can, if he so opts, throw significant power into Iberia and along the French coast, tying up French garrisons that cannot be used to secure Spain and Portugaul. Likewise, France can bedevil Italy in the Med. and prevent capture of Tunis.

Part II

Beginner games of Diplomacy often see the 3 board end nations as winners - England, Turkey and France, although France less so than the other two. Early game alliances are less common, and these three nations have either easy neutrals, France in Iberia, or smaller or protected borders - Turkey and England. The middle nations, Germany, AH and Italy, often see themselves shut out of the game unless they can form an early alliance with one of these board edge nations, see part I for the usual groupings. Italy occupies the potentially weakest and strongest position in the game. With only 1 neutral nearby, and a full 2 moves away, Italy has no easy builds. However, if the game devolves, and it so often does, into cyclonic systems 1 and 2, Italy sits in the perfect position to either dog pile on the odd man out on either side, or to hit the rear of one of the nations ganging up on the lone players. And while AH and Italy have adjacent home supply centers, a war between these two nations usually dooms both of them to an early exit to the game. However, it has been said that one of the strongest defensive alliances in the game is that between Italy and AH. Germany and Austria often get squeezed to death from the map edge nations, although it takes concerted effort to stamp either one out as they have compact home centers that can mutually support each other defensively.

Part III

I don't often see games break out into all out open warfare as early as this. Near as I can tell these are the following conflicts:

England-Russia Germany-England France-Germany Russia-Turkey Italy-Turkey Austria-Italy Austria-Turkey

(Did I miss any?)

The only neutrals unclaimed are Spain and Tunis. Spain due to a rules mis-understanding, and Tunis due to distance and a distracted Italian Fleet (we want Byzantium back!). It looks like the only idle piece on the map, not on the front lines, is that Russian Army in Warsaw.

The early game alliances are shaping up, although they often fall apart when the proposed division of spoils doesn't turn out quite like everyone thought they would. Still, with this crew, the personalities may predominate over the strategic situation.

Part IV

Rule Number 1 in Diplomacy - don't stab an ally in the back unless you stand to gain something substantial out of the move. 1 center, except at the very end game, isn't going to make or break your nation, losing an ally will. Still, Diplomacy is very much like checkers, the moves are finite and determinable, so a stab on turn X could lead to several supply centers captured on turn X+1 or X+2.

Rule Number 1 in Diplomacy - if you leave yourself open to a stab, you will be stabbed. Conservative play will keep you alive longer.

Rule Number 1 in Diplomacy - no single country can go it alone. Without an ally, you are simply too weak to do anything, and you will probably be facing an alliance if you try and do so anyway.

Rule Number 1 in Diplomacy - never count on your allies. They will always have something better to do with their armed forces, they will always demand more than they give, they will always suspect you of getting more out of the alliance than they are, they are certain to stab you at the first opportunity or sign of weakness on your part, and they will never trust you at your word.

Put that all together and what do you have? Beats the ever loving daylight out of me, but Diplomacy is the best, most fun multi-player game ever designed as far as I am concerned.

My only advice, don't carry a grudge from one game to the next, it will only spoil your fun.

Next time, some tips and tricks on game play.

Acquire via the web

I'm a big fan of the Sid Sackson game Acquire, which I admit I'm not all that great at but I like the design. I've discovered another great web-enabled PbeM site, this time called called http://gamesbyemail.com/ They run Acquire games there, using a low-frills, low graphic game engine that will maintain a game board map and track moves, but the moves are conducted by email.

There's room for ten (10) players in one game, which seems like it is too much; I think four (4) players minimum would make for a nice game. If you are interested, I will start SHECKELS 1 (and be playing as a player since the site makes it a no-brainer).

Since the game runs as fast or slow as we like, we have a high degree of team control over this thing. I hope someone is interested!

Respond here with an email addy, or email me at hotspurmeister@gmail.com

Here's a screenshot of the web interface for Acquire. Pretty neat and elegant, in my opinion.


Games By Email's House Rules for Acquire

Deal me in!

Ron Wuerth turned me on to DC Comics plans for the reinvisioned FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER: What can I say, but: I'm all over this thang like stank on a pig!



I know Marvel is grittier, and Dark Horse more ballsy, but DC sure has been more innovative of late...

That's because I believe in the manly Jesus, of course...

A very different sort of game

I bumbled across this exhibit by Andrew Hieronymi(now there's a name to conjure with, very Boschian) which recently played at FUTURE PLAY 2005 and MICROWAVE INTERNATIONAL MEDIA ART FESTIVAL.

In the designer's words:

MOVE is an interactive installation divided into six distinct modules, JUMP, AVOID, CHASE, THROW, HIDE and COLLECT.

Each module offers a single-user interaction, based on a verb corresponding to the action the participant is invited to perform.

Each verb corresponds to a common procedure acted out by avatars during videogame play.

Each module offers an interaction with abstracted shapes (circles, rectangles) behaving according to simplified rules of physics (collision, friction)

Copyright 2005 Andrew Hieronymi

(the icon set pictured above maps to Jump, Avoid, Chase, Throw, Hide and Collect)

Go to the MOVE WEBSITE and watch the videos. Probably doesn't hold a candle to being there but it sure looks interesting.

For the love of God, it's Christmas, I should really be concentrating on my wife's list.

However, the recent announcement by SIERRA MADRE GAMES about the full color deluxe printing of AIRSHIPS AT WAR really gave me the bug to get this. Given my love of lighter than air aircraft, I'm just a sucker for this sort of thing.

For those of you ignorant of the great Phil Eklund, he's the one man band behind Sierra Madre games, and the designer of Luftschiff, Pancho Villa Dead or Alive!, Lords of the Sierra Madre, High Frontier, Insectica and many other quirky and fun conflict simulations. My favorite effort by him, so far is Luftschiff, the solitaire zeppelin mission game.

Now, I'm a fool; I admit to that-- so I'm still scratching my head why I bought a full color update to a game I own three copies of (Luftschiff), plus two copies of the expansion (Reisen), plus one of Zeppelins: CRV or whatever it's called. Yet.. Yet.. the full color plushness of this edition is just too much of a lure, and since I've sent Phil Eklund enough $$ over the years I'm getting a break on the price (to 14 bucks). I think Phil is a game designing genius, myself.. I just wish he'd get working on some new stuff that is strictly a SMG product.

The Fat Lady Sings!

For those of you who might read this but are not on Consimworld, I've run a long-running 'contest' over there called the CONSIMWORLD CAPTION CONTEST. The idea is to post a humorous picture, have the lads post pithy comments, a'la Mystery Science Theater 3000, and I judge the results. Surprisingly this thing has been very popular, and also quite time-consuming. So I vowed I would stop (at least take a breather to do other things for a while) at Caption 100. To make things more interesting, I've decided to give the Ultimate Winner (of the last FIVE captions, using the same scoring method I've used all along), a gift certificate to Bunker Hill Games for twenty bucks. Here are the final results for the picture posted above:

CONSIMWORLD CAPTION CONTEST FINALE
"What's old is new Again"

The Last! Caption Contest Sheet!

Entries for "What's old is new again!"

Ron Wuerth

"In cases of a rare 4 hour erection, try these attachments and get some spouse house work done."


Matt Foster

"Drop your panties Sir William, I cannot wait until lunchtime!"


Peter Stein

"You want to clean the house, you deal with Stanley. You want to be real happy, you deal with the Big Balboski."



Paul Barker U.K.

Cc Thanks for putting the games on eBay darling. My former games cupboard now makes a New Man like me feel so useful. …

Stanley's extensive playtesting sure put a smile on your face.


Peter Card

Tis done my heart, but what ocean will wash Duncan's blood away.
That clotted mess that reeks to high heaven and chokes my prayers.
Stained conscience stays my sleep, conscious of my sins. Stay my Lord, and let the stringent cleansing power
of Stanley's novel formula obliterate your sins
With lemon scented goodness. I think that after this
I'll ask the Banquo's round for dinner.



Shelly Crawford

Dave wondered who the hell Stanley was, and why his stuff was all over the house...

"Agnes, loins trembling, prayed that a Stanley-clean house would be just the thing to convince Jeffrey to winkle her possum..."



Joe Steadman

Here is where you can find all you will need for cleaning our home said Chuck to his new Stepford wife Suzie.

You hid the crack in here? How wicked of you honey…(evil laugh)

Honey, after you finish cleaning up can you get me some dessert and my slippers?

Sweetie, I told you this Stanley stuff was no better then the Kroger brand. How much did it cost us?

(in a alien language) Lt. Zeracknone, which container do I need to move to open the hatch to the XR-3000?

Doris, will you grab me that E-Z cleaner on the top shelf, it seems I got Billy’s blood and brain matter all over the carpet.

Natalie, which bottle has the chocolate in it? Remember, you told me to help you lose weight…

Phyllis ponders seven different ways to kill Robert in 10 seconds or less…

Honey, this is the last caption contest, we can start dressing and acting normal at last!



Our Man in Qatar (T.S. Wilde)

"Now that I've tidied the store for you, honey, how about a game of 'Hunt the Missing Counter?"

"Mmmmm... at least I've got one kind of cream Stanley doesn't have to offer - and it's your favourite flavour."

"With any luck, the Stanley range will include an antidote to the Stanley superglue you got mixed up with your shampoo...'

"Darling," wheedled Jim, "any chance you could get the Stanley perfumed grease out?"
"Oh no!," fumed Mrs Adams. "Don't tell me you've stuck a bottle of gin up your arse again!!"

"And in return for you buying me a full collection of ultra-rare Magic cards on Ebay, I've bought you the full collection of Stanley cleaning products! Isn't that wonderful?"
Jeanie smiled; she already had the number of a first-rate divorce lawyer.

Eric Grenier's Guide to Canadian Courtship Rituals is now available in a new edition, with full colour diagrams of those hard-to-do positions. Here we see figure 69: Le Frotteur.

"Oh my! Is that a new mop, or are you just pleased to see me?"

Behind the scenes of The Apprentice, things got a little hot'n'heavy when the candidates had to come up with a new ad campaign for Stanley's Cleaning Fluids.
"Stanley's fluids may be clean, but ours aren't!" confessed the flustered couple.
"You're both fired," replied Donald Trump.

Sally-Ann sneered at Quentin's gullibility: he didn't realise those 'mops' were actually wigs for disguise, and that the Stanley products were a cover for the fact that she was always 'popping out to get more Stanley' or 'needed more Stanley right now' or 'she wanted Stanley to get it out' (referring to nasty stains, naturally), or even 'could never get enough of Stanley's cream in the cupboard'.

"The Avalanche Press Foreplaytest team, hard at work."

"Newlywed and newly clean-shaven, Richard continued to woo his bride, unware of what his beloved Schatzi had wrought upon his collection of research papers and game-designs-in-waiting..."

"Honey," breathed Oliver, "there's just one more thing I'd like you to polish..."

"As the winners of Survivor: The Hamptons, Dominic and Octavia received a lifetime's supply of Stanley products."

"Now that your silly caption contests are over, darrrrling,' purred Mrs O'Hara, "I thought you could spend some quality time with me - so get your rubber gloves on and prepare to be worked hard!"

"Anywhere can be the location of a memorable intimate encounter - here the man enters his wife from behind, surprising her in a delightful manner just as she was about to begin a humdrum household chore. What better way of cementing one's marriage vows!"


Gary Christiansen

"Mr Moppet makes good."

"Fun cleaning up with Dick 'n Jane"

"Stanley lubricants, better than ever."

"On seeing how well stocked Jane is, Dick asks her to polish his woody."

"See, I told you it was all right for us to come out of the closet."

"Stanley enjoyed the attentions of all the maids since his business had taken off."

"Samantha had Darren completely fooled, he'd never figure out her little secret."

"Poisoning conspiracies never had it so good."

"If only the secret ingredient didn't wear off after 12 hours...."

"Tom and Jan took immediate comfort knowing Stanley had finally been rendered into his final resting place(s)."

"A moment later, Brad and Janet break into song, then head off for their honeymoon, get a flat tire, hike through the rain singing again about some light over at the Frankenstein place, just in time to catch the floor show at the palace."

"Thus the conspiracy of Pacific Rim began."

"Stanley household products, exclusive suppliers to the homes of evil geniuses and scheming villains everywhere."

"Stanley products have an odd effect on George and Gracie causing them to rearrange Fibber McGee's closet, but also bring on a sudden surge of the munchies. Fortunately, there is Stanley ice cream in Fibber's freezer."

"The impact on marital relations is the main reason Stanley makes shop tools today instead of household cleaning products."

"Evil, out of the closet and not just for time bandits any more."

"Even the Doctor was surprised to find Gracie Allen using a broom closet inside the Tardis."

"Mulder and Scully on their nights off. Scully in particular enjoys playing house."

"Him: I have this odd feeling we're being watched by some bizarre alien culture from afar.
Her: Don't worry honey, it's just a bunch of gamers who need to come up with ribald humor because they aren't getting any lately."

"Quick, let's go write orders for Dippy, I'm the French, you're the Germans. Together we can rule the closet!"



Mike Reed

"I'll show you 'Wax on, Wax off', you mysogynistic son-of-a-bitch!!!".

Karen was all smiles on the outside, but on the inside, she figured that her 're-training' of James would have to begin sooner rather than later...

He smiled, thinking that he got the little woman everything she would need to keep the house 'spic & span'...She smiled, realizing he had gotten her everything that she would need to get rid of the evidence...

Tom Wilde was just seconds away from finding out the hard way that American women weren't quite as servile as the gals from Qatar...


Jason Schmidt

"Mike was proud of what he had accomplished; an amazingly realistic sex-change operation on his little brother performed with only the tools available in his little home workshop."

"Svetlana choked back her tears and forced a smile; as a mail-order bride she knew she had to do whatever Mr. Coatney said, no matter how bad the cleaning products burned her."

"Nothing like a knife in her back to make sure the little lady knows her duties in the house, right guys?"

"Frankie and Tina scanned the small cleaning closet. Yes, this would do; it was the ideal place to hold the neighbor kids prisoner until the Beltane feast sacrifice."

"For one quiet moment, after a long day of cleaning, Bob and Karen pause to revel in their absolute Caucasian perfection."

"Lois Lane catches Clark in the cleaning closet again, only this time she finds out where the saying 'man of steel, woman of kleenex' comes from...."

"Luthor is very happy since Burnice has started using industrial products for that colonic irrigation every day."




Jim Adams

I'm gonna shove this toilet brush so far up your ass!

Donna knew she'd found the right man when her cleaning supplies gave him instant wood.

Well, honey, you have fun "cleaning the house," I'm gonna go across the street and blow George!

Wedded Bliss!

What can't be forgotten can be bleached out of existence!

Honey, I figured I'd get their whole line of products since you came home with lipstick on your boxers.

Need a cheap and thoughtless Anniversary Gift...look no further!

That peek-a-boo apron is very becoming, honey bunny. But I'm still not going to put floor cleaner on your ass.


Scoring: FIRST 4 Pts. SECOND 3 Pts. THIRD 2 Pts. HM 1 Pt.

First: Jason Schmidt for:

"Svetlana choked back her tears and forced a smile; as a mail-order bride she knew she had to do whatever Mr. Coatney said, no matter how bad the cleaning products burned her."

Second: Peter Card for:

"Tis done my heart, but what ocean will wash Duncan's blood away.
That clotted mess that reeks to high heaven and chokes my prayers.
Stained conscience stays my sleep, conscious of my sins. Stay my Lord, and let the stringent cleansing power
of Stanley's novel formula obliterate your sins
With lemon scented goodness. I think that after this
I'll ask the Banquo's round for dinner. "

Joe Steadman for

"Honey, this is the last caption contest, we can start dressing and acting normal at last!"


H.M.: T.S. Wilde for

"Anywhere can be the location of a memorable intimate encounter - here the man enters his wife from behind, surprising her in a delightful manner just as she was about to begin a humdrum household chore. What better way of cementing one's marriage vows!"

Scoring as per usual, adding to last round:

LAST ROUND: Gary C: 8 T.S.: 9 Jason: 7 Ian: 2 Jim: 1 Mike: 9 Gary P.: 1 Peter: 4

FINAL STANDING: Gary C: 8 T.S.: 10 Jason: 11 Ian: 2 Jim: 1 Mike: 9 Gary P.: 1 Peter: 7 Joe: 2

And the Winner and Champion...

JASON SCHMIDT!!

(by one point!)

Congratulations!

During the 100 caption run, there were some hilarious moments... I will try to dig through a few of them and post them here in the next few weeks.

Pat Morita passes on

Pat Morita. aka Arnold from Happy Days and Mister Miyagi from the Karate kid, is singing the choir celestial. Farewell, Pat, you were a fine character actor and a great guy.

I shall wax on, wax off, in your honor tonight.

Personally, I liked him best as the pissed-off toadying Japanese naval subordinate in Tora! Tora! Tora!

Britannia Rules the Waves

Here you go.. F Bel Retreats to Eng successfully.

The Map shows positions going into the next turn.



ONWARD!

I had opportunity since I was out for four days on Thanksgiving Holiday to catch up on a few DVDs I've yet to see (courtesy of my daughter Annie's portable DVD machine). One of these was the excellent GORMENGHAST from the BBC, made back in 2000 or thereabouts.

Mervyn Peake's trilogy has always been megalithic; the very nature of the narrative, language, and near poetic meter impresses the reader with how impossibly HUGE the setting is-- the first book alone (Titus Groan) is hundreds of pages, and ends with Titus Groan (the 77th Earl of Groan, around which the plot of the trilogy revolves) a mere infant. So I was a bit skeptical of the idea of condensing such a huge work of fiction into a four episode miniseries. To my surprise, they did a fantastic job of it. The selection of actors was impressive to say the least, from the dark and brooding Jonathan Rhy-Meyers as Steerpike (pictured above, credits to the BBC website) to the moody and somber Christopher Lee as Flay.. simply perfect casting.

I don't know if you could have made the production any "better" by making it longer, certainly the short length of the DVD (comparitively speaking) flies in the face of the deliberately slow pace of the (mammoth!) novels, but somehow I suspect Mervyn Peake would have liked this brave attempt at bringing his masterpiece to the screen. I'm very impressed and very glad I bought the 2 DVD set..

A Balkan Love-Fest!

Received:

France



A bur H

F pic H

A por-spa

F mar-goL



Russia



F stp (nc) - nwy

F swe S F stp (nc) - swe

A mos - stp

A ukr - mos

A rum H

F sev - bla



Turkey



smy - aeg

con - bul

bul - rum

bla s bul - rum



Italy



F aeg - con

F nap - ion

A rom - apu

A tri - alb



Austria



F gre - bul sc

A ser S F gre - bul sc

A bud S Russia A rum

A vie - tri



England



A nwy H

F nts S A nwy H

F edi - nwg

F lon - wal

F bel H



Germany



F Den - nth

F kie S A hol

A hol S A ruh - Bel

A ruh - bel

A mun - bur


ADJUDICATION:

Results for Spring, 1902 (Movement)


General Notices:


Order resolution completed on 23-Nov-2005 at 10:19:09 EST


Order Results:


Austria:


Austria: A bud Supports A rumAustria: F gre -> bul/sc
Austria: A ser Supports F gre -> bulAustria: A vie -> tri

England:


England: F bel Holds

Dislodged from ruh (2 against 1).

England: F edi -> nwgEngland: F lon -> walEngland: F
nth Supports A nwy


Support cut by Move from Denmark.

England: A nwy Holds

France:

France: A bur HoldsFrance: F mar -> lyoFrance: F pic Holds
France: A por -> spa

Germany:

Germany: F den -> nth

Bounced with nth (1 against 1).

Germany: A hol Supports A ruh -> belGermany: F kie Supports A
holGermany: A mun -> bur


Bounced with bur (1 against 1).

Germany: A ruh -> bel

Italy:

Italy: F aeg -> con

Failed because Turkey: A con -> bul failed.

Italy: F nap -> ionItaly: A rom -> apuItaly: A tri -> alb

Russia:


No order for unit at Sweden. Hold order assigned.No
order for unit at Warsaw. Hold order assigned.Russia: A
mos -> stp


Failed because Russia: F stp/nc -> nwy failed.

Russia: A rum HoldsRussia: F sev -> bla


Bounced with bla (1 against 1).

Russia: F stp/nc -> nwy


Bounced with nwy (1 against 1).

Russia: F swe HoldsRussia: A war Holds


Turkey:

The Army in Bulgaria cannot retreat; unit destroyed.

Turkey: F bla Supports A bul -> rum

Support cut by Move from Sevastopol.

Turkey: A bul -> rum

Bounced with rum (1 against 2). Dislodged from gre (2
against 1).

Turkey: A con -> bul

Bounced with gre (1 against 1).

Turkey: F smy -> aeg

Failed because Italy: F aeg -> con failed.

MAP:

Click to view larger graphics

Move attempts:



Situation prior to retreat orders:

There are retreats on the map that need to be processed.

ONWARD!

Is this justice???

Oh, the irony. Apparently the same county in Florida that let Debra LeFave go last night feels the need to lower the boom on lesbian cheerleaders.

Story:

Police said they arrested two women after they got into a fight with a woman in a Florida night club. Patrons of the bar allege that the women were having sex in one of the stalls. One of the women identified herself to police as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers but police have since questioned that identification.

According to police records, they arrested Kristen Lanier Owen, 22, and Angela Ellen Keathley, 26, the names of two Carolina Panthers TopCats. The arrest happened outside Banana Joe's, a bar in downtown Tampa around 2:20 a.m. according to bar staff.

(Mr Nizz Note: Here are rapsheets for Owen and Keathley)

However, police have since questioned the identity of the woman identified as Owen saying another woman may have tried to mislead them by using Owen's North Carolina drivers license or a false licence with Owen's information on it. Officers said they have opened an investigation into the woman's actual identity. 6NEWS spoke with Kristen Owen and she said she was at a wedding in Columbia, South Carolina at the time when she was supposed to be in the Tampa bar.

Owen would not comment on who the other woman was. Her mother told 6NEWS that the woman was another TopCats cheerleader.

(Attribution: copyright 2005 Outside the Beltway)

Stop me before I get all emotional here.. I don't.. know.. if I want to LIVE in an America where lesbian cheerleaders are persecuted like this. Did we wake up in a dictatorship this morning??? Our gentle sapphic morale builders shouldn't be thrown in the big doll house, perish the thought. Instead, they should be nurtured, supported, and occassionally videotaped.

I know, I know... this story is like low-hanging fruit (it reads like every 19 year old's mastubatory fantasy, doesn't it?), but right on the heels of the child molesting teacher, it was too good to pass up..

I read with some disgust that Debra LaFave, the young Tampa Bay middle school teacher arrested for having sex with a fourteen year old boy, has been released from jail and will do no time other than a house arrest and psychiatric counseling.

Quick internal reference: this isn't the first time this subject has surfaced in this blog.

Former middle school teacher Debra Lafave will avoid prison for a number of sexual dalliances with a 14-year-old student after pleading guilty Tuesday to two counts of lewd and lascivious battery.

Less than two weeks before Lafave, 25, was set to face her teen victim at trial, the former Tampa schoolteacher agreed to three years of house arrest and seven years of probation for having sex with the student in her home, in a classroom and in a car in June 2004.

Dressed in a conservative black suit, Lafave quietly replied "yes" as Hillsborough Circuit Judge Wayne Timmerman asked if she agreed to several conditions as a registered sex offender.

Included in the conditions are a curfew and treatment in an outpatient program for sex offenders.

(Attribution: Court TV website, copyright 2005 Court TV)

Basically, the lady walks. There's some stipulations, like the house arrest, which might suck, but there'll always be plenty of teenaged pizza boys handy. And the psychiatric counseling, yeah, that's right.

The defense attorney, John Fitzgibbons, stated at one point that putting LaFave (pictured in the cheesecake photo above, back in her modeling days) in the general population of a prison would be tantamount to throwing "raw meat at a pack of circling sharks". Wow, he's right, pretty people shouldn't have to go to jail! I mean, ewwwwwwwwwww....

I kid,I kid. Actually, I'm incensed over this verdict. What kind of double standard is this??? What message does this send? If you're an attractive white female you CAN get away with crimes of a sexually predatory nature, because it was with a guy, and he's no victim, right? right? Already I'm seeing blogs about the nameless "luckiest student on earth" guy...

What if she had been a he? and the victim a she? A white he? or a black he? They would have thrown away the key, that's what if.. Picture even a black female committing this action... what would the verdict be?

There's a hideous double standard at work here, folks. Somehow I'm getting visions of those bad comedies from the 1980s where all the pretty blonde semi-nordic people are the bad guys and the hapless average looking schlubs (much like myself) are going to go through life making pratfalls for their benefit. I'm glad I don't live in Hillsborough County..

A recent discovery that Richard Houston's 1/1000 pre-dreadnought ship miniatures are back in production has rekindled my interest in the Naval Battle of Yalu, a conflict I've been interested in for a long time. I discovered a pretty good AAR artcile by Philo McGiffin (the American Naval Officer in command of the Chen Yuan at that battle) that was submitted to the Century, a 19th century political journal. It makes for interesting reading.

Unfortunately, since the PDF I made is from old scans (Tiffs converted to GIFs then PDF'd) it really didn't compress very well and is 2.8 mb. So if you would like a look, try here:

http://pbem.brainiac.com/files/docs/Yalu-byPM.pdf (PDF File, 2.8mb)

Have fun!

Just to show you that the WGotW Award doesn't just go to clever gadgets*, this week's award goes to a group of delightful oddballs that have put up a lot of useful information on the web about colonial wargaming... no computer program or java app or web animation here; just a lot of battle reports, and figure galleries, and very silly period style photographs of the members. My kind of guys! I'd be hanging out with these chappies if they lived near me (and they could suffer the company!)

Address: http://www.tdasys.com/the_bengal_club/index.asp

So for the BENGAL CLUB, I bestow!



Congratulations! (applause)


* Recall, one of the 'goals' of this here award was to recognize sites that "make the world a nicer place"...?

One of my favorite computer wargame designers from the "good old days" of SSI in the 90s was Norman Koger, the designer of AGE OF RIFLES (which I still play), CONFLICT: MIDDLE EAST RED LIGHTNING, TANKS! and the OPERATIONAL ART OF WAR series for Talonsoft.

Whilst googling for information on predreadnought ships last night, I stumbled across Norm Koger's home page. More importantly I stumbled across his website for his impending game on the RUSSO JAPANESE WAR of 1905-1906. Great news, even better when I looked at the screenshots.

Description:

The Russo Japanese War is a real time, 3d, operational / tactical game covering the naval campaign of the Russo-Japanese war of 1904-1905. Players are in overall control of the fleets of either Imperial Russia or the Empire of Japan. The Japanese task is to ensure a smooth flow of troops and supplies to Korea and Manchuria. The Russian must interrupt this flow of Japanese strength. The all important land campaign is resolved completely under computer control, based upon the success of both players' naval efforts.

Norm has an excellent feel for depicting conflict in computer games; I think he is at least the equal of Gary Grigsby if not quite so prolific (I generally prefer the tactical scale that Norm seems to favor; that is not to take anything away from "the Grigs"... he just makes a different kind of game).

Here's some screenshots from the impending game (click to enlarge):











I had to chuckle when Norm was describing this feature of the game engine:

Never an Orphan

I plan to retain control of this game engine. It will not be allowed to disappear into the corporate round file as most commercial releases eventually do. This will be a living engine, expanded and improved for years to come.

How true, how true...

A passle of demos

Whoo-eee. There were so many demo games on the counter at THE GAME PARLOR the other night, you'd have thought GENCON was just over or something.

Of immediate interest was a constructible card game (the first one not put out by Whizkids!) called RACER KNIGHTS OF FALCONUS. Racer Knights of Falconus is a constructible card game created by Arthaus Games and distributed by White Wolf Publishing. Apparently Arthaus is not immune to copying a good idea...



In any event, the game appears to be CAR WARS in constructible miniatures format with a huge layer of fantasy hooey dumped on top for a theme. Check the link to the website to get the back story. In my opinion the cars look fantastic and they should probably just have stayed with a car to car combat theme and jettsioned the fantasy world.



Didn't have time to read the rules (I had bored children with), but you can right HERE. Racer Knights has some nice components to measure distance and shooting ranges with, so I suspect the similarities to CAR WARS will be manifold (pardon the pun).



Here's a better picture not taken with a Palm Zire!



The new Wild West card game from WhizKids, HIGH STAKES DRIFTER, was also in evidence:



I didn't have time (as mentioned) to play. The cards have an "Up Front" kind of look to them with loads of random numbers and statistics printed right on the card. The cards look pretty independent of the rules to me, and the "poker mechanics", while overdone (this has been used before as a visual theme, in Pinnacle's Deadlands card game), certainly has a good visual look and feel.
The Rules are online, for free.



Lastly, the da Vinci folks have released a new BANG! expansion, but I am not sure of what it's called. The website says it might be "A Fistfull of Cards", but there wasn't any lable on the demo to tell me and the guy in the shop wasn't much help either. No more details than this, as I was in a hurry.



I will certainly get the expansion to Bang and look to give High Stakes drifter a try, although it's not really capturing my eye at the moment. Racer Knights really is too silly to ignore.